Wszędzie dobrze, gdzie nas nie ma

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Mam czasem dość. Jestem zmęczona. Wieczorem, kiedy Dawid zaśnie, ogarnę mieszkanie i pomyślę, że jutro, jak tylko mały otworzy oczy, zacznie się kolejny mój dzień jako matki, która zajmuje się w domu dzieckiem, marzę o powrocie do pracy zawodowej. W myślach przenoszę się do mojego biurka, przy którym mogłabym usiąść, odpalić komputer i skupić się na jednej rzeczy, na mailu, na piśmie, na sprawie i pracować, zapieprzać tak bardzo, że nie miałabym czasu na przerwę. Marzy mi się, tak. Ponieważ czasem mam dość. Jestem zmęczona.

Do pracy, takiej dorosłej, na stałe, poszłam zaraz po maturze. Studiowałam zaocznie, w weekendy, a w tygodniu pracowałam. Dla mnie układ był idealny. Najpierw staż w samorządzie, później krótki epizod w agencji reklamowej, następnie kilkuletni przystanek jako sekretarka w kancelarii adwokackiej. Koniec studiów, trzy miesiące w Londynie z pracą dorywczą, bo tego mi było trzeba, powrót do Polski, nowa praca. W biurze. Najpierw sekretarka, później asystentka, następnie kierownik działu, później wydziału. Wszystko w jednej firmie i dość szybko, intensywnie. Praca często od 7:00 do 19:00, wieczne zostawanie po godzinach, w tygodniu w sumie nie było czasu na nic innego. Weekendy dla mnie i dla D. I tak było. Odpowiadało mi to, bo ja kocham pracować, bo w tym co robiłam, czułam się dobra, bo mnie doceniano i mimo, że otrzymałam niezliczoną ilość tzw. szefowych opierdoli, zawsze czerpałam z pracy satysfakcję.

Później przyszła ciąża. Po tej pierwszej, straconej, praca odeszła gdzieś na dalszy plan. Początkowo myślenie o drugiej ciąży stało się dla mnie obsesją na tyle, że w pracy nie myślałam o niczym innym, niż o tym, żeby stamtąd wyjść i już móc starać się o dziecko, już zająć się tylko życiem prywatnym. Po jakimś czasie to minęło, jednak kiedy zaszłam w ciążę z Dawidem, było dla mnie jasne, że w pracy za długo nie wytrzymam. Po pierwsze, dojazd do niej zajmował mi ok. 1,5 godziny w jedną stronę i o ile, mimo mdłości, rano było to jeszcze do zniesienia, to wieczorem, kiedy prowadząc auto prawie zasypiałam za kierownicą, stało się to niebezpieczne. Druga sprawa, że ja cały pierwszy trymestr bałam się o ciążę tak bardzo, że moja wydajność w pracy była praktycznie żadna. Mało to profesjonalne, ale tak było. Pewnych rzeczy nie przeskoczysz. Byłam w takiej sytuacji, że mogłam iść na zwolnienie. Więc poszłam. W okolicach 10 tygodnia. I tym oto sposobem, praktycznie całą ciążę mogłam siedzieć spokojnie w domu i odpoczywać. I nie żałuję tego, bo z moich kalkulacji wynika, że nie odpocznę w ten sposób przez najbliższych kilkanaście lat, więc było warto. Wyrzutów sumienia brak.

Rok macierzyńskiego minął szybko. Pod koniec marca napisałam podanie o wykorzystanie zaległego urlopu wypoczynkowego, którego trochę się nazbierało. W domu z Dawidem miałam być do połowy lipca. Jeszcze w marcu powrót do pracy i zostawienie małego, wydawało mi się czymś najgorszym na świecie. Nie chciałam. Było mi dobrze. Wiadomo, że człowiek na tym macierzyńskim często chodzi jak zombie i często rutyna, jaka wkrada się w życie zaczyna nużyć, przeszkadzać. Dawid jednak zawsze potrafił wybić mi z głowy to, że siedzenie z nim w domu jest nudne i męczące. Myślę, że to dlatego, że pierwszy rok życia takiego dziecka jest przepełniony skokami rozwojowymi, nowymi umiejętnościami, postępami. Najpierw zaczyna widzieć, później się uśmiechać, później podnosić i trzymać głowę. Następnie nie sra już przy każdym karmieniu, co wbrew pozorom jest naprawdę ogromnym osiągnięciem. Przewracanie się, turlanie, siadanie, podnoszenie, pierwsze kroki – to są rzeczy, które sprawiały, że nie czułam, żeby siedzenie w domu było dla mnie wyrzeczeniem. Patrzenie jak rozwija się moje dziecko i możliwość bycia przy tych wszystkich momentach, wynagradzają dużo. Żadna premia, żaden awans, nic związanego z pracą zawodową, nigdy nie dostarczyło mi takiej satysfakcji.

Po roku zaszłam w drugą ciążę i tak szczęśliwie chodzę w niej już 17 tygodni. Pierwsze trzy miesiące wyjęte z życia, bo czułam się jak flak, albo i nie, bo jakby się zastanowić, to taki flak nie ma wcale tak najgorzej. Teraz jest już dobrze, samopoczucie super i spędzamy sobie razem kolejne dni z Dawidem. W domu. To znaczy w parku, na placu zabaw, w piaskownicy, w różnych miejscach. Zazwyczaj tam, gdzie jest pełno matek, pełno dzieci i wszystkich gugu, gaga, rozmawianiu o kupach, myciu naczyń i nieprzespanych nocach. Przez pierwszy rok kompletnie mi to nie przeszkadzało, jednak teraz zdałam sobie sprawę, że ja przez kolejne 2 lata nic innego nie będę robić. Nie ubiorę białej koszuli i ołówkowej spódnicy, żeby móc wreszcie poczuć się jak ktoś elegancki, nie ubabrany, nie skopany i spocony, bo jak ja w tej spódnicy dogonię mojego szoguna. O szpilkach już nie pamiętam – czekają na lepsze czasy (a kochałam je, bardzo – tęsknię). I nie, nie chodzę w wyciągniętym, brudnym dresie z pozostałością przedtygodniowego banana  zaraz obok firmowego znaczka, mającego świadczyć o tym, że ja nie biedna, tylko zalatana. Ubieram się normalnie, schludnie się staram, nawet rzeczy piorę, tylko w okolicach południa nigdy nie jestem już perfekcyjna, bo wiecznie przypieprzę nogą w wózek, albo Dawid zostawi ślad tłustej rączki na bluzce. I w sumie to walić to, bo to nie ważne, ale w takich chwilach marzę o tym biurku i o tej kawie, którą mogę sobie zrobić nie mając oczu z tyłu głowy, czy mały szkodnik akurat nie podejdzie mi pod nogi i zrobię tą kawą nieszczęście. Marzę o mailu, na który odpiszę w spokoju  i nawet jak obok będzie dzwonił telefon, a w między czasie ktoś zapuka do drzwi, to nie będzie tego można porównać z uwieszonym na tobie maluchem, który chce czegoś teraz, a jeszcze nie powie ci co, bo nie potrafi, więc tragedia jest straszna, a słowo „cierpliwość” zamazuje się gdzieś w twoim słowniku, bo to towar deficytowy. Tak, tak czasem myślę. I do pracy zawodowej chcę.

Z drugiej strony czytam to, co piszą matki pracujące i słucham moich pracujących koleżanek. Czytam o tym, że czas pędzi po powrocie do pracy 100 razy bardziej, że wiecznie są w biegu, że się nie zatrzymują nawet, jak śpią. Rano wszystko na czas, ubrać się na czas, ubrać dziecko na czas, zjeść, zdążyć, dać radę przy tym kogoś nie zabić. Później w pracy, owszem, jest kawa i kanapka zjedzona w przerwie bez tego głośnego „DAJ, MAMA, DAJ” za uchem. I jest odpisywanie na maile, przy biurku, w spokoju. Jest skupienie na czym innym. A później znowu bieg, wyścig, bo dziecko trzeba odebrać ze żłobka, od babci, od niani, albo zwyczajnie wrócić szybko do domu, bo szkoda jest czasu, którego i tak mają dla siebie mało.

Widzę, że jest też ogromna różnica między matkami, które dopiero co wróciły do pracy, i wygłodniałe tych dorosłych obowiązków i kontaktu z kimś, kto przekracza metr wzrostu, łapią każdą chwilę w pracy i traktują ją jako relaks, a matkami, które macierzyński mają już daaaawno za sobą i zapomniały, że pracę można traktować jako źródło wypoczynku. I tu pojawia się spór. Kto ma gorzej? A może raczej – kto ma lepiej? Te, co zdecydowały się na full time macierzyństwo, czy te, które pracują? Które mają większy powód do zazdrości?

Kiedyś usłyszałam na ten temat coś krótkiego, ale według mnie trafiającego w punkt, a mianowicie – WSZYSTKIE JESTEŚMY POPIERDOLONE. Te matki, które siedzą w domu i marudzą, że ciągle dziecko i ciągłe sprzątanie i te, co jęczą, że chodzą do pracy i spędzają z dzieckiem za mało czasu. Te, co mają dziecko na co dzień, przez co im to powszednieje i te, które mają nerwy w pracy, przez co cierpliwość też mniejsza.  Te, które siedząc w pracy czują się lepsze, bo uważają, że godzą więcej obowiązków i są bardziej spełnione i te, które siedząc w domu myślą o tych wyrodnych, które nie poświęcają dzieciom tyle czasu. Głupie baby z nas, serio. Taka bywa ludzka natura, że szukamy przysłowiowej magi do zupy, nam nie dogodzić. A w tym temacie nie ma rozwiązania idealnego.

Przede mną poród w styczniu i rok macierzyńskiego, teraz już z dwójką dzieci. Będzie hardcore. Wiem, że po tym czasie, kiedy już znajdę nową pracę, bo do starej nie wrócę na pewno, polecę do niej na skrzydłach. Zostawię dzieci, z nianią najprawdopodobniej. Wiem, że nie nadaję się do tego, żeby siedzieć w domu przez kilka następnych lat zajmując się dziećmi. Podziwiam kobiety, które się na to decydują i nie wariują. Podziwiam, bo kurde macierzyństwo jest piękne, ale takie siedzenie w domu bywa bardzo niewdzięczne. A już te kobiety, które siedzą w domu z dzieckiem i przy okazji, już parę chwil po porodzie wracają do aktywności zawodowej, a nie mają niani, babci która zajmie się dzieckiem i nie oddają dziecka do żłobka,  to podziwiam szczególnie – a znam takie osobiście i nie, nie jest to Anna Lewandowka.

Chciałabym umieć pogodzić to wszystko tak, by każdy był zadowolony, chociaż im dłużej o tym myślę, tym bardziej utwierdzam się w przekonaniu, że się nie da. I wiem, że kiedyś, pewnego słonecznego dnia, który spędzę w pracy, będę żałować, że właśnie nie spaceruję z dziećmi po słonecznym parku, tylko kisnę za biurkiem. Pewnie nie raz zatęsknię za tym, że w ciągu dnia, jak humor latorośli dopisze, mogę oglądnąć z nim bajkę, albo poczytać, w domu, na spokojnie. Korzystam więc z tego czasu teraz, bo on już raczej nie wróci. Daję Dawidowi to, co tylko potrafię i mimo, że czasem doprowadza mnie do szału, cieszę się, że może dostać mnie tyle, ile tylko jest to możliwe. I może przez to, że jestem z nim codziennie, nie jestem już taka kreatywna, taka zabawna i taka doceniająca ten czas, którego mam z nim po prostu dużo, ale w chwilach załamki przypominam sobie, że to se ne vrati, tak jest tylko teraz. Jesteśmy sobie razem i jest dobrze.  Pozdrawiam Was, mamy, te pracujące i te nie pracujące- wszystkie. JESTEŚCIE WSPANIAŁE!

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  32. L’UFCM a constaté depuis quelques mois l’accroissement des tromperies à la « roqya ». Les témoignages de personnes victimes de ces pratiques se multiplient et présentent les mêmes caractéristiques : « Une personne vous appelle et vous propose une séance de « roqya » gratuite. Cette personne vous propose de rappeler un numéro prétendu gratuit, souvent un numéro commençant par 0 800… » Mais, dans les faits, cette prestation est loin d’être gratuite, puisque la conversation est facturée à vos frais et à votre insu. Au-delà de l’aspect juridique qui est traité à ce jour par le pôle juridique de l’UFCM[1], ce procédé soulève la problématique de sa conformité au Coran et à la Sunna. En effet, la « roqya » peut se définir comme une thérapie qui permet de soigner les actes de sorcellerie, de mauvais œil et également de se protéger contre ces derniers. Par conséquent, est-il possible de la pratiquer par téléphone et quelles sont les exigences édictées par le Coran et la Sunna ? Nous présenterons ainsi successivement les conditions liées au soignant (I), les exigences relatives à l’environnement où est réalisée la « roqya » (II). Nous aborderons ensuite la question de la gratuité de la prestation ou de sa contrepartie financière et enfin les conditions dans laquelle elle est réalisée (III). I- Les conditions liées au soignant Souvent la « roqya » est perçue comme une pratique dispensée par un tiers. Or, il est essentiel de rappeler et de souligner un fait important : la meilleure des « roqya » est celle que nous dispensons nous-mêmes à travers le « dhikr » et la récitation du Coran. Ainsi, pour se prémunir des maux liés au mauvais œil ou à la sorcellerie, il convient régulièrement de lire le Coran et faire des invocations notamment celles du matin et du coucher, de réciter régulièrement la sourate « La vache », de renouveler son intention, de placer la certitude dans son cœur, d’effectuer ses prières etc., et surtout de demander à Allah la meilleure des protections. Toutefois, dans certaines conditions, il est nécessaire de recourir à un soignant. C’est à ce stade qu’il convient d’être vigilant. Il ne suffit pas de se rendre auprès d’une personne qui se présente avec la qualité de cheikh ou d’imam pour accepter de lui confier cette pratique. Comme pour tout procédé et encore plus lorsque cela relève de considérations religieuses, il est important de bien choisir son soignant car ce dernier est tenu de posséder des qualités bien affirmées. La maîtrise du Coran et des traditions prophétiques en la matière est une condition sine qua none, mais insuffisante. La personne doit également avoir des notions de psychologie afin de déterminer la part de sorcellerie et celle de troubles psychologiques fréquents chez les patients. La personne doit posséder une bonne hygiène de vie, notamment spirituelle puisqu’il n’est pas inutile de rappeler que le succès de la « roqya » dépend de Dieu. Ces critères sont difficilement évaluables, surtout par une personne qui est affectée par un mal-être, quelle que soit sa source. C’est pourquoi les proches doivent accompagner la personne dans la recherche d’un soignant qualifié et reconnu comme tel par des référents religieux de la localité (imam, responsables associatifs, etc.). De manière générale, le soignant doit posséder des qualités déterminées que nous pouvons synthétiser de la manière suivante. Il doit : être en capacité de lire le Coran, croire avec certitude au Coran, être empreint de piété, connaître les pièges et les caractéristiques du diable et des djinns, connaître la méthode prophétique de la « roqya », disposer de connaissances de base en psychologie, avoir la conviction que le succès de sa thérapie dépend de Dieu. A l’exception de la première exigence, il semble difficile de vérifier les autres conditions dans le cadre d’un entretien téléphonique avec une personne que nous n’avons jamais rencontrée, même si elle se présente sous le titre de « cheikh » ou d’un imam. Par conséquent, ces conditions soulignent une première limite quant au recours à la « roqya » par téléphone. Par ailleurs, à l’instar de tout médecin, le soignant doit, avant de prodiguer des conseils ou une médication, procéder à une consultation. Ainsi, un environnement adéquat est indispensable pour la réalisation d’une « roqya ». Il est enfin inconcevable qu’un médecin puisse vous affirmer par téléphone connaître votre maladie et attester pouvoir vous guérir. Vous auriez plus que des doutes sur ce prétendu médecin. II- Un environnement propice et la réalisation d’une consultation préalable à la réalisation d’une « roqya » Il est intéressant de noter que, dans son ouvrage « Comment se protéger des djinns & satan », Wahîd ‘Abdussalâm Bâli évoque l’importance du climat pour réaliser une roqya[2]. Ainsi, il expose les points suivants : « 1. Préparer le climat adéquat en faisant par exemple sortir les images et les statues de la pièce où on va soigner le malade, pour permettre aux anges d’y entrer. 2. Débarrasser le sujet de tout ce qu’il peut porter sur lui comme talismans ou amulettes et les brûler. 3. Éteindre tout ce qui peut émettre le son de la musique et des chants. 4. Vider le lieu de tout ce qui comporte une infraction à la shari‘a à savoir, par exemple, la présence d’un homme qui porte de l’or ou une femme qui ne porte pas le voile légal – al-hijab. 5. Donner au malade et à sa famille une leçon de dogme de façon à ce que leurs cœurs ne soient pas attachés à un autre qu’Allah. 6. Leur faire savoir que la façon de soigner est différente de celle des sorciers et des charlatans et que le Coran recèle guérison et miséricorde, comme l’a informé Allah le Puissant et le Majestueux. 7. Diagnostiquer son cas : pour cela poser des questions au malade pour s’assurer de la présence de tous les symptômes (…) ». Or, dans les témoignages communiqués, l’interlocuteur qui se présente comme soignant ne pose aucune question aux personnes. Il débute ainsi la « roqya » directement par une récitation du Coran. En outre, il est intéressant de souligner que dans l’un des témoignages communiqués à l’UFCM, l’interlocuteur demandait à la personne de remplir successivement des verres de lait, d’huile, d’eau etc. et de les poser par la suite sur la table de la salle à manger. Au point que la personne s’est retrouvée avec une multitude de verres posés sur la table. Le comble est que la personne ignorait ce qu’elle devait en faire lorsqu’elle a pris conscience de la tromperie. Nous constatons par conséquent qu’une « roqya » ne peut être réalisée dans un environnement quelconque. En effet, une procédure de diagnostic est essentielle. Nous pouvons à titre d’exemple faire le parallèle avec un rendez-vous chez le médecin ; ce dernier ne peut vous prescrire une ordonnance sans au préalable vous avoir ausculté et interrogé sur les différents symptômes que vous ressentez physiquement. A défaut, au lieu de guérir vous allez aggraver vos maux. Cette attitude vigilante du médecin traitant doit se retrouver lorsque nous envisageons le recours à une « roqya ». Pour illustrer ce propos, nous citerons l’exemple de l’anthropologue, spécialiste de l’islam européen, Farid El Asri, chercheur associé au Centre Jacques Berque, qui nous rapporte une situation alarmante suite à une « roqya » : « Une jeune femme en Belgique (…) est morte suite à une tentative d’exorcisme. Pendant les séances, les fkihs (imams) utilisent normalement de l’eau « coranisée ». Pour cette jeune femme, prétendument stérile, les exorcistes ont carrément plongé son visage dans l’eau et quand elle tentait d’en sortir pour respirer, les guérisseurs estimaient qu’il s’agissait du jinn qui l’habitait et ils replongeaient son visage dans l’eau. Pendant le procès, la famille de la défunte s’est présentée comme musulmane et a accusé ces pratiques d’être extérieures à l’islam quand les guérisseurs estimaient qu’ils avaient simplement fait ce qu’ils pouvaient. Le fait de recourir trop systématiquement au fkih risque également de faire passer une crise d’épilepsie, par exemple, pour une crise de possession. »[3] Nous allons aborder enfin la dernière problématique, celle relative aux honoraires du soignant. III- Les honoraires du soignant Le Prophète, bénédictions et salut sur lui, « a agréé les Compagnons qui ont été payés pour la roqya ». Il est dès lors autorisé de rémunérer un soignant en contrepartie d’une prestation. Toutefois, cette rémunération doit être raisonnable et surtout clairement définie avant le traitement. En outre, nous ne pouvons que souligner et rappeler que, si la roqya est réalisée dans un cadre sérieux, il convient de procéder à toutes les déclarations administratives. Comme pour tout contrat, vous devez exiger un document écrit et le praticien doit préciser quels sont ses engagements exacts afin d’éviter tout litige postérieur. Malheureusement, tous les témoignages transmis à l’UFCM soulignent que l’interlocuteur insiste à plusieurs reprises sur la gratuité de la prestation. Or, dans les faits, cette dernière est payante puisque le coût de la communication est surtaxé. Ainsi, l’une des victimes qui nous a contacté, s’est retrouvée avec une facture téléphonique (hors forfait) de 1800 euros. Par conséquent, nous constatons que ces « roqyas » gratuites sont fondées sur la technique dite du « call-back » qui consiste à amener une personne à rappeler un numéro surtaxé, information qui lui est bien évidemment dissimulée. Une « roqya » peut être payante à condition de respecter un cadre prédéterminé, fondé sur l’information et la transparence des honoraires. En conclusion A la lumière des développements susvisés, l’UFCM appelle d’une part à une régulation du métier de la pratique de la « roqya », d’autre part, à la vigilance de chacun à ne pas céder à la tentation d’une « roqya » qui ne serait pas réalisée dans les conditions requises et qui pourrait produire des effets inverses. Au-delà du cadre spirituel ou juridique, les divers témoignages reçus et étudiés par l’UFCM ne peuvent pas nous laisser indifférents à la question suivante : pourquoi des personnes sont-elles amenées à accepter aussi facilement une « roqya » par téléphone ? Est-ce la gratuité qui a déterminé leur choix ? Certes le mal-être produit par cette société est de plus en plus grand. Nous vivons une époque où les êtres sont de plus en plus coupés des signes de Dieu et vivent un rythme de vie effréné. Ces affaires sont révélatrices des maux les plus profonds qui touchent la communauté musulmane. Par ailleurs, comme l’ensemble des rites islamiques (hajj, halal, pompes funèbres) censés nous rappeler les limites qui déterminent la voie vers Dieu, nous constatons que leur marchandisation trahit de plus en plus leur vocation première. Suffit-il qu’un interlocuteur se présente à nous comme un « cheikh » ou un imam et qu’il nous propose une « roqya » gratuite pour l’accepter aussitôt Ne devrions-nous pas tous nous interroger sur le fait qu’il y ait des musulmanes et des musulmans aussi isolés et aussi ignorants de leur propre religion pour être trompés aussi facilement ? Sommes-nous devenus si dépendants des Hommes que nous en oublions de nous adresser directement à Dieu pour solutionner nos malaises ? Autant de questions que chacun d’entre nous a la responsabilité de se poser. En effet, aucun de nous ou de nos proches ne sont à l’abri d’une telle tromperie. Il convient enfin de rappeler que la « roqya » est un remède précis et qu’elle ne peut se faire que sous certaines conditions et surtout qu’elle demeure l’exception à la règle, qui est de toujours s’adresser directement à Dieu. Avant de recourir à une « roqya », il convient de faire une introspection sur ses propres pratiques cultuelles et de revenir.

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