Moje dziecko, cud spóźnionej owulacji

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Długo nie mogłam się zebrać, żeby o tym napisać. Długo zajęło mi, zanim ten fakt do mnie dotarł. Jeszcze dłużej czasu potrzebuję, by uwierzyć, że wszystko jest dobrze.

Kiedy zaczęliśmy myśleć o drugim dziecku, oboje stwierdziliśmy, że teraz jest najlepszy czas. Miałam odczekać rok od cesarskiego cięcia i zielone światło od lekarza zaświeciło najzieleńszą zielenią. Pierwszy cykl. Wielkanoc, urodziny Dawida. W naszym salonie goście przez 1,5 tygodnia. Ja zmęczona, D. padnięty, Dawid z nadmiaru wrażeń i ludzi w domu pobudzony. Mały nie chciał się dać odłożyć do łóżeczka, spaliśmy sobie więc we trójkę, szczęśliwi. Tak minęła owulacja.

Goście pojechali. W domu zrobiło się cicho, Dawid zasnął bez problemu, a przed rodzicami roztoczyła się wizja wspólnego wieczoru. I wieczór był spędzony razem, przyjemnie. We dwoje.

Dwa tygodnie później dwie kreski na teście ciążowym zakomunikowały nam, że owulacja chyba jechała do mnie PKP, bo miała dość spore opóźnienie. Szok, ale też radość. Ale raczej szok.

Kolejne dwa tygodnie w oczekiwaniu na pierwszą wizytę. Nigdy tak dziwnie się nie czułam. Niby wiedziałam, że ciąża, ale jak w to uwierzyć? Jakim sposobem. Szybkie wyniki TSH, tak jak kazał endokrynolog. Wynik 6,5. Płacz i panika, bo doświadczenia z pierwszej ciąży zostają w głowie na zawsze, a TSH było jedynym wynikiem, który był nieprawidłowy. Szybka reakcja endokrynologa, później wizyta u ginekologa.

Pęcherzyk ciążowy, piękny, kształtny. Wszystko w porządku. Karty ciąży nie zakładamy, jest za wcześnie. Proszę o duphaston. Na wszelki wypadek. Dostaję.

Kolejne dwa tygodnie w oczekiwaniu na tętno. Przedziwne. Jak można zapominać, że jest się w ciąży? Można. Kiedy mały, człapiący po domu jak kaczka chłopiec zaprząta twoje myśli i nie daje chwili, by się martwić. Dopiero wieczorami myślałam o drugim dziecku. I miałam wyrzuty sumienia, że nie pamiętam o nim, że nie mam czasu, że nie głaszczę się po brzuchu, tak jak w poprzednich ciążach. Mdłości, senność, ssanie w żołądku mimo mdłości, dziwne samopoczucie, zadyszka. To wszystko świadczy o ciąży. Jednak świadomość tego, że tam w środku jest dziecko nadal nie przychodziła. Dlaczego?

Wczorajszy wieczór. Dzień przed wizytą u ginekologa. Plamienie. Małe, ale plamienie. Identyczne, jak w pierwszej ciąży. Strach nie od opisania i płacz, ale taki cichy, żeby Dawid nie widział.

26 maja, Dzień Matki. Oczekiwanie na wizytę u ginekologa. Dawid nauczył się dawać buzi. Całował mnie soczyście, z miłością, od samego rana. Dwa lata temu w dniu matki czułam smutek. Rok temu wielką radość. Tym razem strach. Dzień minął, nadeszła wizyta.

Mój ginekolog zna mnie już na tyle, że kiedy widzi po minie panikę, nie mówi nic, tylko bada i robi USG. Plamienie jest, jednak nie przy ujściu szyjki. USG. Ja nic nie widzę. Właściwie to jestem zrezygnowana, bo mechanizm obronny działa tak, że lepiej nie mieć za dużej nadziei, lepiej się pozytywnie zaskoczyć, nić boleśnie rozczarować. Jest. Mały człowieczek, który mierzy nieco ponad centymetr. Z przepięknie bijącym sercem <3 Ulga. Nawet nie radość, ulga po prostu. Sto kilogramów spadło z pleców, z fotela wręcz zleciałam na ciążowych skrzydełkach, zgrabnie ładując się na wagę, bez marudzenia tym razem. Jest. Mimo plamień, mimo strachu, mimo, że nie wierzyłam i o nim nie myślałam. Jest.

Moje dziecko. Przyszło do nas, bo chciało, mimo że my myśleliśmy, że już za późno. Przyszło szybko, zaskoczyło nas. Rośnie sobie pięknie wbrew paranoi ciążowej w głowie matki i lęku w sercu. Po dzisiejszej wizycie, kiedy wróciłam do domu z kartą ciąży, taka uskrzydlona i uspokojona, jest inaczej. Teraz już wierzę i nie boję się myśleć, że będzie dobrze, mimo że na pewno jeszcze nie raz spanikuję. Kładę się teraz. Przytulę się do Dawida i słuchając jego spokojnego oddechu zasnę. Jednak tym razem już wiem, że Dawid ma siostrę, albo brata. Niech rozwija się spokojnie, czekamy. I cieszymy się. I kochamy. Nasze dziecko – cud spóźnionej owulacji.

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234 comments to “Moje dziecko, cud spóźnionej owulacji”
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  98. My też długo staraliśmy się o dziecko. Ale pomogła nam naprotechnologia, używałam komputera cyklu – cyclotestu. Poznałam doskonale swój cykl i za miesiąc zostaniemy rodzicami 🙂

  99. Pani Aniu. Jak czytam Pani posty widzę siebie☺z tym że ja jestem w 16 tygodniu i bardzo się boję. Mam 4 i pół rocznego z synka z zdrowej , cudownej, b ezproblemowej ciazy. We wrześniu staraliśmy się z mężem i drugiego dzidziusia.Szybko przyszło .Szybko poszło. 20 października poronilam w 6 tygodniu.Moje szczęście ze obyło się bez zabiegu i wszystko się uregulowalo. Mieliśmy odczekać 3 miesiące. Wydawało mi się ze stanelam na nogi . Byłam z siebie dumna zs wychodzę z domu z uśmiechem na twarzy. Dopóki nie zaszlam w kolejną ciaze . Udało się w 3 cyklu starań. I ciągle czuję lęk. Na początku bo nie wiedząc jeszcze o ciazy wypilam 2 piwa ( już mi to przeszło dzięki Bogu ). Potem bo znowu poronie w 1″trymestrze. Dostałam od 7 tygodnia luteine ddopochwowa profilaktycznie. Lekarz mówił że to tylko dobrze wpływa na dziecko i powinno mnie uspokoić. A tu bam. Naczyralam się o jakimś s podziectwie.Ze leki tego typu zwiększają jego ryzyko. Mój ginekolog powiedział że jest to nie potwierdzone i zdarza się to bardzo rzadko. A ja i tak swoje. Od póki dowiedziałam się ze to chłopczyk strasznie się przejmuję. Paranoja. Sama siebie nie poznaje.Zamiast oglądać ubranka dziecięce ja czytam o jakiejś chorobie i zastanawiam się czy dobrze że biorę leki. Choć dzięki nim byłam spokojniejsza pierwszy tetmestr. Mam nadzieje ze tę obawy mina . A z Pani blogiem będę na pewno ☺

  100. Gratuluje , twoj blog pomogl mi dwa lata temu przetrwac strate dzieciatka pod serduszkiem , dzis jestem matka 3 miesiecznego Kubusia i najszczesliwsza na swiecie osoba ,,, ciaza to byl jeden wielki strach na sama mysl o kolejnych staraniach mam ciarki ale wiem ze warto dla tego pieknego cudu jakim jest macierzynstwo… trzymam kciuki :*** bedzie super 😛

  101. Witam serdecznie.
    Przez przypadek weszłam na Pani strone. Czytam z nadzieją.
    🙂
    Prawie dwa lata temu spotkało mnie to co Panią dowiedziałam sie w 12 tyg ze nie ma tetna plodu. Staralam sie z mężem od 1,5 roku o ciążę i tydzien temu zrobiłam test który był pozytywny. Radość udało sie… gdy zeszła ze mnie ta euforia również poczułam strach który trzyma mnie do dziś niby beta hcg dobra niby rośnie a jednak byle zakłócie zanik objawów myśli schodzą na zły plan. Jak z tym walczyć 🙁
    Za 1’5 tyg dopiero wizyta.
    Trzymam kciuki za Panią <3

    • Witam,
      Objawami proszę się nie przejmować, one są, później ich nie ma, później są…piersi bolą, później przestają – to nie zawsze oznacza coś złego. Ja wolę, kiedy objawy są, chociaż niektóre moje koleżanki pukają się na to w głowę. Gdy mam dzień, że czuję się lepiej, moje myśli również błądzą, to silniejsze.
      Rośnie beta, rośnie nadzieja, i dziecko też rośnie – musi Pani być dobrej myśli i jak najbardziej spokojna, chociaż to wcale nie łatwe. Ja teraz przechodzę to po raz drugi, z tą różnicą, że Dawid nie daje mi zbyt wiele czasu na martwienie się, co jest ogromnym plusem. Bardzo dużo siedzi w naszej głowie. Jak z tym walczyć? Starać się myśleć pozytywnie. Ma Pani teraz nową szansę, proszę się nią cieszyć. Ja staram się cieszyć każdego dnia, chociaż dopóki nie zobaczę w następny piątek na ekranie usg fikającego maleństwa, również mam momenty zwątpienia i strachu. To już chyba ze mną zostanie. Ja również trzymam mocno kciuki. Mój jeden cud śpi właśnie słodko po aktywnym dniu, drugi mam nadzieję rośnie w siłę. Zobaczy Pani, kiedy poczuje Pani ruchy, kiedy brzuch zacznie rosnąć, będzie łatwiej. Życzę, żeby czas do tego momentu szybko Pani zleciał! 🙂

  102. Dziękuję Wam za miłe słowa i wsparcie 🙂 też pomyślałam, że jeżeli przy takich wynikach TSH (z których niestety nie zdawałam sobie sprawy, bo wcześniejsze wyniki sprzed 2 miesięcy były super – 0,49) zaszłam w ciążę, to widocznie to dziecko bardzo chce być. Nie piszę teraz dużo, bo dziecko uspokaja moją głowę mdłościami i niewyobrażalną sennością, chyba po to, żebym się nie martwiła, że nie mam objawów 😉 jak się domyślacie Dawid mało wyrozumiały, człowiek chciałby usiąść a tu „gugugaga” i jest impreza cały dzień 😉 ale nie chcę, żeby on odczuwał to, że się źle czuję, więc staram się jak mogę 🙂 pozdrawiam Was i trzymajcie kciuki proszę!
    Ania

  103. zajśc w ciążę z takim TSh to cud prawdziwy, widać, ze to dziecko po prostu miało być i jest Wam dane je przytulać i wychowywać. Gratuluję, cuda się zdarzają.
    PS., moje cykle nigdy nie pozwalają mi wiedzieć kiedy mam owulację 😉

  104. Gratuluję! Też bym chciała, ale mąż mówi nie… Cóż, zmusić go nie mogę. Wróciłam do pracy, a teraz koleżanka z biurka obok spodziewa się bliźniaków. Trochę czuję żal, że mi nie będzie to na razie dane…

  105. Cóź można napisać 🙂 Rośnijcie 🙂
    Ja też, jakiś czas temu wraz z ojcem mego syna podjeliśmy decyzję że to ten czas na drugie maleństwo. I do tej chwili byłam gotowa. Do pierwszego negatywnego testu. I znów przypomniał mi się koszmar 4 ostatnich lat. Nie mam jednego jajowodu co oznacza 50% szans na zajście w ciąże. I chyba juź sobie z tym nie poradzę, z rozczarowaniem. Bo Kapi będzie widział łzy, smutek i ten ból. Bo parę dni temu, dostrzegł że coś z tą jego matką jest nie tak. Obiecałam sobie, że teraz jak się nie uda to trudno. Bo jest Kacper. Ale nie umiem, nie wmówię sobie że patrząc na tą jedną kreskę jest ok.
    I tak to ze mną jest. Więc odpuszczam, tak będzie chyba łatwiej.

    Przesyłam uściski, Kacper też!
    P.s. Kacper też jest z opóźnionej owulacji- cud nad cudami 🙂

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