Instynkt, matko!

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Mój półroczny syn mówi do mnie. Codziennie. Właściwie to jak teraz tak sobie myślę, to on mówi już od dawna. Za każdym razem, kiedy chce mi coś powiedzieć, wysyła w moją stronę komunikaty, które ja z lepszym lub gorszym skutkiem odczytuję. Mówi, właśnie w ten sposób. Czasem gubię się w tych jego sygnałach, bo młody, oczywiście w moim matczynym mniemaniu istny geniusz, z jasnością przekazów miewa jednak problemy. Tym oto sposobem zdarzają się gorsze dni, kiedy dziecko, rozżalone brakiem zrozumienia, urządza mi prywatne piekiełko. Przez ostatnie pół roku uczę się mojego syna i po tym czasie jedno mogę stwierdzić na pewno. Nie ma lepszego sposobu na radzenie sobie z odszyfrowywaniem niemowlęcej mowy, jak postępowanie zgodnie z tym, co podpowiada nam intuicja.

W czasach, kiedy oczekuje się, że dzieci będą rozwijać się zgodnie z zainstalowaną w telefonie aplikacją, coraz ciężej jest słuchać instynktu. Wraz z przesytem informacji, jakimi jesteśmy zalewani, gubimy gdzieś to, co jest najważniejsze i co sprawiło, że gatunek ludzki przetrwał, mimo że matki pierwotne nie były instruowane co do tygodnia, w którym już można zacząć podawać potomstwu papkę z marchewki. Szukając bliżej, podejrzewam że nasze babcie również nie były co do takich spraw szczególnie przyuczane, a jednak skoro to czytasz, to znaczy że twoi rodzice przeżyli jakoś ten straszny czas dzieciństwa z matką, która nie zapoznała się szczegółowo z każdym rozdziałem książki „Pierwszy rok życia dziecka” (którą to książkę posiadam i bardzo sobie cenię, tak na marginesie).

Ostatnio zastanawiałam się z przyjaciółką, jak to możliwe, że wychodząc ze szpitala, daje się dziecko takim niedoświadczonym rodzicom. Przecież to  n i e b e z p i e c z n e ! Idą tacy z dzieckiem do domu, właściwie to nie bardzo wiedzą co z tym mikro człowieczkiem robić i jakimś cudem z czasem kontaktują o co chodzi. Chociaż bywa ciężko. Gapią się, młodzi, niewyspani, na to leżące w łóżeczku dziecko, sprawdzają, czy oddycha, a ono w najlepsze śpi i nie zdaje sobie sprawy, jaką zagwózdkę mają z nim starzy. Mijają tygodnie, miesiące, rodzice coraz bardziej pewni tego, co robią, powoli uczą się obsługi potomka. Oczywiście, że super, że mamy taki dostęp do informacji, że właściwie możesz sprawdzić w googlach, co oznacza poszczególne, dziecięce pierdnięcie, jednak ja zawsze pamiętam, że każde dziecko jest niepowtarzalne i nikt nie zrozumie go tak, jak TY, jego własny, osobisty rodzic.

Nie raz już przy Dawidzie serce stanęło mi w gardle. Kiedy pierwszy raz się zadławił własną śliną, kiedy pierwszy raz płakał tak nie do uspokojenia, kiedy działo się coś nowego, czego nie do końca rozumiałam. Pierwsze dziecko ogólnie ma przechlapane, bo jest królikiem doświadczalnym. Przy drugim już bym wiedziała, co robić, już bym tak nie panikowała. Nie zamartwiałabym się też, czy nie za często go karmię, czy nie za wcześnie wprowadziłam mu gluten, czy dobrze go ubrałam, albo czy ogólnie swoim brakiem wiedzy nie sprawiam, że gdyby biedak miał wybór, już dawno zmieniłby miejsce zameldowania. Gdzieś tam, głęboko, w środku, za każdym razem wiedziałam, że robię dobrze. Nie do końca zgodnie z zaleceniami Ogólnoświatowego Instytutu Postępowania z Cudzymi Dziećmi i Międzykosmicznej Akademii Starowania Rodzicami, ale dobrze. I za każdym razem, kiedy słuchałam samej siebie, dobrze na tym wychodziłam. Bo zalecenia są dobre, jako baza i najważniejsze jest, żeby to zalecenia dopasować pod własne dziecko, a nie odwrotnie.

Nie zadręczam się więc, kiedy Dawid w kolejnym tygodniu nie osiągnie narzucanego mu przez tabelkę punktu rozwoju. Kiedy na wakacjach kilka młodych par z dziećmi sugerowało nam, że coś jest nie tak, jeżeli nasze dziecko nie chce leżeć na brzuchu i nie potrafi się jeszcze przewracać, a przecież pięciomiesięczne dziecko to już musi, stwierdziliśmy zgodnie z D., że Dawid po prostu nie używa tej samej aplikacji co oni i nie wie, że już musi. Rozmawialiśmy o tym jeszcze w drodze powrotnej, w niedzielę, i utwierdziliśmy się w przekonaniu, że z naszym synem wszystko dobrze, po prostu jest większy, trudniej mu pewne rzeczy robić. Tak podpowiadała nam intuicja. Einstein miał rację, jeżeli będziemy oceniać rybę po jej umiejętności wspięcia się na drzewo, przeżyje całe życie myśląc, że jest głupia. I tak samo jest z dziećmi. Jedno będzie szybciej turlać się po podłodze, drugie zacznie szybciej mówić. Nie można dzieci porównywać. Nie daj się wystraszyć i nie panikuj, jeżeli Twoje dziecko czegoś nie robi. Zastanów się, czy naprawdę Cię to niepokoi, czy tylko ktoś zasugerował Ci, że powinno i tym samym uruchomił istną lawinę wątpliwości i lęku w matczynym, tudzież tatczynym sercu. Przecież to Ty codziennie obserwujesz swoje dziecko, wiedziałabyś, gdyby było z nim coś nie tak, naprawdę. Wracając do przewracania na brzuch, nasze dziecko osiągnęło tę umiejętność w poniedziałek, czyli dokładnie dzień po tym, jak wracając z wakacji postanowiliśmy się, że damy mu czas.

Instynkt rodzicielski rzecz ważna, naprawdę trzeba na nim polegać. Rodzic dziecku krzywdy nie zrobi, nawet ten niedoświadczony. Nie wiem, jak to działa, ale działa. Swoją drogą, nasze dzieci, te kruche króliczki, wcale tak łatwo krzywdy sobie zrobić nie dadzą. Tak to wszystko zostało wymyślone, żeby jedni ludzie rodząc drugich, dawali im również możliwość przetrwania, nawet bez wcześniejszych lekcji w szkole rodzenia. Słuchajcie więc swoich dzieci, słuchajcie siebie! Mądrych ludzi, książek i aplikacji też oczywiście, ale siebie najbardziej. Pozdrawiam, instynktownie 🙂

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  68. Moja córcia według tabeli powinna ładnie na brzuszku leżeć i główkę sztywno trzymać, a ona jest leniuszkiem i ma w nosie tabele. Jak ma dobry dzień to na brzuszku leży aż się zmęczy, a jak nie to zaraz są wrzaski. Ona rozwija się swoim tempem i nie będę jej pospieszać 🙂

    • no i bardzo słusznie 🙂 Dawid awersje do brzucha miał bardzo długo, później z dnia na dzień pokochał, tak jak pisałam, teraz to ukochana pozycja, bo lepiej wszystko widzi i z tej pozycji lepiej się przemieszczać 🙂

  69. Nawet nie wiesz jak bardzo potrafi byc sfrustrowane 4letnie dziecko kiedy zauwazy ze go zupelnie nie rozumiesz kiedy ono (z predkoscia karabinu maszynowego i z co trzecia gloska „t” zamiast tej prawidlowej) pyta czy noca da sie zobaczyc ze brzoza jest bialo-czarna jak zebra 😉
    Ja tez mam gdzies pewne rzeczy, ktore powinien i calkiem dobrze nam z tym. Uwazam ze w tym wieku jedynie co powinien to byc szczesliwym dzieckiem i mial w swoim dorobku pare etapow np nocnik ze juz wszyscy twierdzili ze powinien a on uznal ze mu to zbedne az pojawil sie ten impuls (majtusie z Samolotami) ze z dnia na dzien pieluchy nie byly potrzebne. Siostra tak miala z chodzeniem ze jak zobaczyla rozswietlona choinke to ja juz nic nie zatrzymalo mimo ze jeszcze nie powinna.
    Fajnie ze sie Dawid dobrze rozwija i mam nadzieje ze zdrowo. Ciekawa troche jestem czy wam sie udalo utrzymac laktacje bo my jestesmy z tych dlugo karmiacych sie i chyba cos w tym jest ze zdrowko generalnie nam dopisuje.

    • u nas zdrowie też w jak najlepszym porządku. My karmimy się jeszcze wieczorem i rano. Zresza zbieram się i zbieram, żeby napisać Ci w końcu wiadomość na maila. Jak mi się dzisiaj uda to to zrobię, ale nie obiecuję, bo coś młody się kręci niespokojnie i pewnie zaraz będę musiała do niego iść. Postaram się jutro napisać 🙂

    • Za to moja 3 letnia siostrzenica posługuję się biegle językiem, który sama stworzyła i opatentowała, zakres słów ma tak szeroki, że mogłaby prowadzić rozmowy w parlamencie i to na ich poziomie. Mimo, że większość słów już znamy, najgorzej jest z nowymi, których nie rozumiemy, bo wtedy wpada w furię. Większość słów udało mi się wyłapać i stworzyć słownik, żeby miała pamiątkę w przyszłości. Jeśli kogoś zainteresuję to zapraszam,
      linka dziennik pokładowy

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