Nie tak szybko

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Nie tak szybko rośnij synu. Nie tak prędko. Nie tak szybko mijaj czasie, zatrzymaj się na chwilę i daj mi się nacieszyć, napatrzeć. Proszę. Trzy miesiące minęły, a ja nie wiem kiedy.

Segregując dzisiaj dawidowe ubranka usiadłam przez moment. Tylko na minutę, w pędzie między praniem a prasowaniem, które tak pospiesznie robię, kiedy tylko położę dziecko spać. Siedziałam, wąchałam i patrzyłam na małe body, w które nie wiem jakim cudem mieścił się mój syn, przecież jeszcze nie tak dawno. Kiedy on tak urósł? Przecież widzę go codziennie, każdego ranka wydaje się być taki sam.

Chcę, żeby się rozwijał, cieszy mnie każda nowa umiejętność, jednak dlaczego czas ucieka przez palce i nie da się go spowolnić? Był pierwszy świadomy uśmiech, pierwszy okrzyk zadowolenia, był pierwszy raz, kiedy Dawid zauważył swoje ręce. Pierwszy ząbek, pierwszy obrót, pierwsze kroki – czy to już? Czy przyjdzie aż tak prędko, jak to, co dostaliśmy do tej pory?

Synku, przecież dopiero co położyli mi Ciebie na piersi. Szukałeś mnie, machałeś główką, chciałeś jeść. Po chwili zasnąłeś, tak spokojnie, wtulony we mnie. Od tamtej pory nie spędziłam bez Ciebie więcej, niż parę godzin. Coraz dłużej śpisz w nocy. Cieszy mnie to, jednak czasem, gdy bardzo długo, to tęsknię, bo chcę przytulić. Czy to choroba?

Nie uciekajcie tygodnie, jakby was ktoś gonił. Chcę mieć czas, by docenić, by się nasycić. Uśmiechami, małymi ubrankami, westchnieniami przez sen i wszystkimi nieumiejętnościami, które znikają w nocy i ustępują miejsca nowemu. Chcę patrzeć i zapamiętać, że był kiedyś taki mały. Chcę łapać te wspomnienia, zapisywać je, zbierać. Nigdy nie zapomnieć.

Nie tak szybko rośnij synu. Nie tak prędko. Nie tak szybko mijaj czasie, zatrzymaj się na chwilę i daj mi się nacieszyć, napatrzeć. Proszę.

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