No to jesteśmy umówieni

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21 kwiecień. Wyznaczony termin porodu mojego syna. Data bardzo dla mnie istotna, ponieważ rok temu, dokładnie 21 kwietnia, miałam zabieg łyżeczkowania po ciąży obumarłej. Data miała się odczarować. Nie wiem dokładnie, co będę robiła tego dnia w tym roku, jednak na 80% będę już wtedy w domu z moim dzieckiem. Otóż proszę państwa, uparty po ojcu potomek postanowił nadal trzymać głowę wysoko i ani myśli ułożyć się prawidłowo do wyjścia. 14 kwiecień to moja nowa data. Jest to termin, na jaki dostałam na wczorajszej wizycie skierowanie na cesarskie cięcie. 14 kwiecień, też dobrze. Jak chcesz synku, tak będzie. Jesteśmy umówieni, zaczynamy odliczanie.

„Skrócona szyjka jest, rozwarcie na opuszkę jest, no i chyba się odwrócił, coś twardego i dużego czuję na dole” – powiedział lekarz podczas badania ginekologicznego. „Wątpię, włożył mi dzisiaj coś twardego i dużego między żebra na górze, to musiała być głowa”. Podczas USG moje przypuszczenia się potwierdziły. Na górze, pod prawą piersią jest główka, zaraz obok po lewej stronie są stopy. Pośladki na dole. Moje dziecko zwinięte jest w precel, tak sobie to wymyśliło. „Ja też tak zrobiłam mojej mamie” – mówię. „A ja byłem przenoszony, przy porodzie przyduszony i byłem długo w inkubatorze” – mówi D. To się dobraliśmy, naprawdę. Sami odwinęli takie numery, a od dziecka to wymagają…

„No, już raczej się nie odwróci, będziemy umawiać się na cięcie” – informuje ginekolog. Podczas badania czynności serca nasze dziecko dostaje czkawki. Nie wiem, czy któraś z Was miała okazję zobaczyć i usłyszeć, jak to wygląda na aparaturze. Jest normalny dźwięk jak przy badaniu tętna, a tu nagle coparosekundowe piszczenie. Czkawka nie uspokoiła się już do końca badania. Brzuch skakał na wszystkie strony. „2800 g” – mówi lekarz. To dobrze, w normie. Wszystko jest dobrze, wszystko jest w porządku. Ułożenie dziecka i sposób przyjścia na świat schodzą na dalszy plan. Po leniwej sobocie mojego syna, tak naprawdę interesowało mnie jedynie to, żeby był zdrowy i nic się z nim nie działo. Nadzieja na możliwość porodu naturalnego gdzieś była, ale po koszmarnym weekendzie nie było to już tak istotne. Więc dobrze, będę miała cesarskie cięcie – po głębszym zastanowieniu nie zmartwiło mnie to tak bardzo, jak kiedyś myślałam

Chciałam rodzić naturalnie, bardzo mi na tym zależało. Niestety, pośladki mojego syna chciałyby wyjść z brzucha jako pierwsze i ani ja, ani mój lekarz nie widzimy powodu, żeby im na to pozwolić. Poślakowy poród naturalny nie wchodzi w grę. Zostaje więc cesarka.

Wiem, że obecnie nie jest to nic strasznego, niektórzy nawet nazywają to zabiegiem. Ja się z tym nie zgodzę. Jest to operacja. W sumie to sam fakt, że ktoś potnie mi brzuch mnie nie przeraża. To, że będzie boleć po cięciu też mnie nie przeraża. Ja nie mogę przeżyć tego, że nie będę mogła zobaczyć i przytulić dziecka zaraz po wyjęciu. Pani pediatra tłumaczyła nam dzisiaj na szkole rodzenia, że wynika to tylko i wyłącznie z faktu temperatury na sali operacyjnej, która sięga ok. 17C. Dziecko nie może po wyjęciu z brzucha przebywać w takiej temperaturze, musi zostać ogrzane, stąd to oderwanie od matki. W szpitalu, w którym będę rodzić, dziecko przywożone jest do mamy w ciągu ok. 30 minut po wyjęciu z brzucha. Kobieta jest w tym czasie zszywana i przewożona na salę, a dziecko badane. W momencie wjazdu na salę pooperacyjną prawdopodobnie mój synek będzie już ze mną. Mam nadzieję.

D. zobaczy go wcześniej. Będzie stał na korytarzu i będzie mógł go zobaczyć w momencie przewożenia na badania. Nie wiem, jakieś takie to wszystko mi się wydaje smutne, jakoś tak mi z tym źle. Ja nie mam takich myśli, że cesarskie cięcie to zło, bo kobieta jest stworzona do porodu naturalnego i jak nie może rodzić naturalnie to co to za kobieta…bzdura. Niektóre dziewczyny nie chcą rodzić naturalnie, załatwiają sobie zaświadczenia potrzebne do cesarskiego cięcia i to jest ich sprawa. Ja po prostu nie mogę przeżyć faktu, że ktoś zabierze moje dziecko i przez jakiś czas będzie ono daleko, nie wiedząc co się dzieje, dlaczego tak się dzieje, bo nagle jasno, zimno i głośno, a tak w ogóle to gdzie jest mama? Może trochę demonizuję, nie wiem, takie mam odczucia.

„Ja to się tylko martwię, że to dziecko zostanie tak przez pana wyjęte i to będzie dla niego ogromny szok” – żalę się lekarzowi. „No, to w takim razie 50% dzieci w Polsce rodzi się zszokowane” – słyszę w odpowiedzi. Aż tak dużo cesarek? Nigdy bym nie powiedziała.

Tak czy inaczej, nie postawiłam sobie porodu naturalnego, pośladkowego, za punkt honoru, żeby udowodnić światu, że jestem kobietą i dam radę. Ani to dobre dla mnie w takim przypadku, ani dla dziecka. Za równe 3 tygodnie o tej godzinie, prawdopodobnie będę już tulić mojego synka. O ile coś nie zacznie się dziać wcześniej, bo skurcze i bolesność okolic rodnych są już tak duże, że trzy tygodnie wydają mi się być nie do dotrwania.

14 kwiecień – czy będzie to termin, kiedy poznam moje dziecko? Czy zobaczę w tym dniu, kto kopał mnie po żebrach przez ostatnie tygodnie i kto przyprawiał mnie o zawał, kiedy nie chciał się ruszać? Na pewno nie będzie to później, może nastąpić wcześniej. Jestem gotowa. Remont skończony, ubranka się piorą, głowa się przygotowuje, serce jest gotowe już dawno. Synku, możesz przybywać, jesteśmy umówieni 🙂

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