Co może spotkać cię w ciąży – wpis długi i dosłowny

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Ostatnio sporo słyszę i czytam o kobietach, które są zdziwione tym, jak przechodzą ciążę. W różnych dyskusjach i rozmowach w sieci, wymieniają się one doświadczeniami i mówią, że nie były przygotowane na to, jakie samopoczucie może je zastać w stanie błogosławionym. Twierdzą, że nikt nie przygotował ich do tego, co może się z nimi dziać, no i przede wszystkim, że nikt nie uprzedził ich, że ich ciało faktycznie na jakiś czas przestaje być ich ciałem i w pewnym momencie doznają wielkiego szoku. Nagle dopada je największy jak dotąd w życiu dół i często zaczynają żałować tego, że podjęły decyzję o posiadaniu dziecka. Podobno to mija, jak już w bólach i mękach wyskoczy z nich najsłodsze na świecie maleństwo, ale wtedy pojawia się zjazd hormonalny, przemęczenie i istna masakra w głowie, która podczas kolejnej nieprzespanej nocy, często skutkuje rozważaniami, czy wyskoczyć przez okno w pojedynkę, czy razem z dzieckiem.

Cóż, o fazie poporodowej dowiem się i napiszę dopiero, gdy sama jej doświadczę, więc tak gdzieś plus minus za miesiąc. Teraz opiszę, co może przytrafić się w ciąży, z tych mniej przyjemnych spraw. Może akurat trafi tu jakaś kobieta, która chciałaby wiedzieć, czego się spodziewać, a nie wie. Może akurat przeczyta i przygotuje się lepiej na to, jak mały, rozwijający się w niej człowiek, może przewrócić do góry nogami w jej organizmie wszystko co się da, i wcale nie będzie pytał o zgodę, mimo że podobno dzieci powinny słuchać swoich rodziców. Pisałam już tutaj, jakie mam podejście to tzw. maruderstwa. Nadal zdania nie zmieniam. Tutaj nie o tym.

Tu napiszę, jakie w ciąży mogą być powody do tego marudzenia. Nie jestem książkowo znoszącą ciążę nimfą, nie latam na chmurce i przez większość dni nie widzę tego promienienia, które podobno widzą we mnie inni. Czasem jest tak do kitu, że zamykam oczy, biorę dziesięć głębokich wdechów i na siłę pozbywam się wszystkich myśli, które zmierzają w kierunku: „Po co mi to było?” Bo gdyby przez chwilę zastanowić się nad tym pytaniem, to chyba większość z nas wie po co. I jeżeli świadomie zdecydowałam się na dziecko i tego chciałam, to teraz przez chwilę muszę poznosić tego skutki. Przez chwilę, bo tak naprawdę te dziewięć miesięcy mija tak szybko, że mam wrażenie, że dopiero zaczęłam się źle czuć, a tu już wszyscy, łącznie z kopiącym w żebra potomkiem, usilnie przypominają mi, że to już prawie koniec. Zaczynam więc, proszę bardzo, mój opis dolegliwości. Dosłowny. Bez upiększania. Jeżeli jesteś więc wrażliwa/y na słuchanie o wszelkiego rodzaju dolegliwościach cielesnych, gastrycznych i tym podobnych, radzę przestać czytać.

Ja po pierwszej, bezobjawowej ciąży, straconej w 12 tygodniu, chciałam mieć dolegliwości. Chciałam, to dostałam. Właściwie od początku, zgodnie z podręcznikowymi opisami, dopadały mnie wszystkie przykre ciążowe sprawy, jakie mogły. Z przerwami, które doprowadzały mnie do szału, bo zanik dolegliwości traktowałam jako zły znak. Z miesiąca na miesiąc nowych dolegliwości jednak przybywało, a starych wcale nie ubywało. Cudowny przypływ mocy w drugim trymestrze zapomniał wysiąść na moim przystanku i pojechał dalej, do kogoś innego. Jedyne, co mi się dostało z tych przyjemnych spraw, oprócz oczywiście mojego synka, są włosy, które w końcu posiadam w ilości umożliwiającej zrobienie sobie jakiejkolwiek fryzury. Fajnie, szkoda tylko, że nie tylko włosy na głowie zwiększyły szybkość przyrostu i objętość. Na tym etapie cała już czuję się owłosiona jak małpka, a nie muszę chyba pisać, że gdy brzuch osiąga pewną wielkość, codzienna depilacja to ostatnie, na co masz ochotę. Pod prysznicem opieram głowę o ścianę i prawie zasypiam, od samego początku ciąży. Śpiącośćroztargnienie towarzyszą mi przez większość czasu, na zmianę, bądź w komplecie, zależy od dnia. Woda spływa po coraz większym ciele, a ja nie mam ochoty stamtąd wychodzić, bo przecież wyjście wiąże się z wycieraniem i ubieraniem, no i ze smarowaniem kremem na rozstępy, a ja łapię zadyszkę nawet przy myśleniu, a co dopiero przy takich czynnościach. Później trzeba się doczłapać do łóżka, coraz częściej w rozkroku, na pingwina, bo na etapie 33 tygodnia ciąży krocze zaczęło boleć tak, jakbym przejechała pustynię na wściekłym rumaku. Krocze to nie wszystko. Od początku ciąży co jakiś czas pachwiny ciągnięciem przypominają, że są. No i ukochany kręgosłup, albo mięśnie wokół kręgosłupa, albo cokolwiek to jest, nie ważne, bo boli jak cholera, kiedy tylko chcę wstać, iść, położyć się wygodnie, lub dłużej gdzieś posiedzieć. Wieczorami, gdy mam bardziej aktywny dzień, kręgosłup nie boli, on nakurwia. Sorry, ale nie da się tego inaczej ująć. Chodzę wtedy po domu jak paralityk. Prawa noga jeszcze jakoś idzie do przodu sama, ale lewą trzeba powłóczyć, bo jak chcę iść szybciej, to jest ból.

Są jeszcze biodra. No tak, biodra odgrywają bardzo ważną rolę w życiu kobiety, nie mogą więc pozwolić o sobie zapomnieć w tak ważnym momencie jej życia, jak ciąża. Kładę się do łóżka, zaraz po tym, jak już się do niego doczłapię. Jestem, zajęłam pozycję do siadu, siadam, układam poduszki, po drodze 24 jęknięcia i 17 westchnień, jestem, leżę. Chcę zasnąć spokojnie, ale nie, jak to tak spokojnie? Biodra się budzą i zaczyna się. Ból, tępy ból, który nie da ci zasnąć, póki nie wsadzisz sobie między nogi największej poduszki, będącej w twoim posiadaniu. Pomagają też plastry zakładane przez siostrę fizjoterapeutkę, więc jak ktoś ma okazję i możliwość, niech się obkleja, polecam. W takiej rozkraczonej pozycji ból bioder trochę przechodzi, nie mija jednak zespół niespokojnych nóg, który oczywiście również postanowił mnie odwiedzić, tak do kompletu, żeby biodrom nie było głupio, że tylko one są wredne. Zaczynam więc ruszać tymi stopami tak, żeby nie przeszkadzać leżącemu obok mężczyźnie, który stara się zrozumieć, co mi się dzieje, ale nie jest w stanie, bo przecież sam tego nie doświadcza i każde jego pytanie „Dobrze się czujesz?”, zadane po godzinie 22:00, czyli po godzinie, kiedy mam już tak dość, że chcę kogoś zabić, kończy się przypływem fali irytacji, bo nie dość, że źle się czuję, to jeszcze hormony robią ze mnie jędzę.

No właśnie, te wahania nastrojów. To jest prawdziwa jazda. Tutaj o tym pisałam, jest ciekawie. Myślę, że i bez burzy wszystkich możliwych -onów, -enów, -yn i -in byłoby wystarczająco ciężko, ale nie, natura daje ci jeszcze jazdę w postaci substancji, które muszą być, by dziecko dobrze się rozwijało, ale dzięki nim ty czasem stajesz się osobą, której normalnie sama nawet byś nie lubiła. No cóż…

A to co się dzieje w ciąży z układem pokarmowym? No cała gama możliwości, od samego jego początku, który ma miejsce w jamie ustnej, do samego końca, który ma miejsce wiadomo gdzie. Tak więc dziąsła puchną i krwawią. Są wrażliwe na wszystko, czasem nawet na powietrze wdychane przy mówieniu. Mycie zębów staje się przykrą koniecznością, bo nie dość, że dziąsła krwawią, to włożenie szczoteczki do ust często powoduje odruch wymiotny. Odruch wymiotny towarzyszy w ciąży wielu z nas i wcale nie jest powiedziane, że tylko na początku. Fakt, że mdłości największe są właśnie w pierwszym trymestrze, u mnie jednak zdarzają się do tej pory. W drugim trymestrze też były. Już się przyzwyczaiłam. Mdłości jak zjesz i jak nie zjesz. I wcale nie są tylko poranne. One po prostu są, kiedy im się podoba. Czasem dochodzą do nich również wymioty. Ja wymiotowałam w ciąży chyba tylko cztery razy, ale sama nie wiem, czy nie lepiej by było czasem zwymiotować i mieć to z głowy, niż męczyć się z tymi mdłościami. Idziemy dalej, zgaga. Moja przyjaciółka, niezawodna. Mnie męczy od samego początku, pojawiła się zanim jeszcze się dowiedziałam o ciąży. Później na chwilę zniknęła, by w połowie ciąży powrócić ze zdwojoną siłą. Mniej więcej do 30 tygodnia pojawiała się tylko po większym posiłku, wieczorem, na leżąco, no i dało się nad nią jeszcze jakoś zapanować. Od pięciu tygodni jednak już nawet z nią nie walczę, nic nie pomaga. Mogłabym wypić cysternę kakao i zagryźć to ciężarówką migdałów. „Przecież możesz brać Reni” – ktoś powie. Tylko po co, skoro nie działa? Piecze, pali tak bardzo, że czasami aż boli i mam wrażenie, że nie przełknę nic, bo zejdę. Czasem czuję, jakby na poziomie mostka utknął mi wielki, twardy kawałek jabłka…tak, to chyba takie uczucie, sama nie wiem, w każdym razie mało przyjemne, bo bolesne. Przełykając ciepłą herbatę mam wrażenie, że czas na chwilę zwalnia i ta jej ciepłość zatrzymuje się w okolicach tego samego mostka, w którym tkwi jabłko, powodując palące boleści. No ale piję coś, bo chcę to uczucie jakoś ugasić, zresztą w ciąży trzeba pić dużo, więc wyjścia i tak nie ma. Zimna woda pomaga na parę sekund, jednak po chwili znowu wszystko wraca. Do zgagi dochodzi refluks, mój kochany. Kilka razy zdarzył mi się, jak już przysypiałam. Cowieczorna porcja rzygowin w moich ustach, uroczo. No i odbijanie. Po prostu musisz beknąć, bo nie wytrzymasz. Czasem  sama jestem pod wrażeniem odgłosów, jakie potrafię z siebie wydać. Dobrze, że siedzę sama w domu w ciągu dnia, to nie ma krępacji. Gdy jednak spotykam się ze znajomymi, a takie soczyste beknięcie pojawi się w momencie, kiedy próbujesz z gracją wypowiedzieć się na jakiś temat…wtedy jest krępacja.

Nie tylko tą stroną może się oczywiście „odbijać”. Wzdęcia robiące z ciebie jeszcze większy balon, niż faktycznie jesteś. Tak, jakby ktoś włożył ci w jelita wielkie worki z powietrzem i stale uzupełniał, marzenie. No i zaparcia. Niby pijesz dużo, bo musisz i wtedy ma nie być zaparć, no ale też bierzesz żelazo, no i ogólnie chyba ciąża w tym nie pomaga. Więc tęsknisz za czasami, kiedy pójście do toalety nie było wyzwaniem. Co jeszcze wiąże się z tą uroczą dolegliwością? Hemoroidy moi drodzy, a jakże by inaczej. Nie dość, że i tak czujesz się beznadziejnie, bo całe ciało tak jakby nawala, to jeszcze czeka cię walka z tym cholerstwem. Tak, dajcie mi więcej, bo mi mało.

No właśnie, słowo  „mało” na pewno nie pasuje do ciąży, jeżeli chodzi o kwestię używania wkładek higienicznych, rozmiar XXL. Brak okresu przez dziewięć miesięcy jest znakomicie nadrabiany białą mazią, która leci z ciebie w takich ilościach, że zaczynasz rozważać używanie podpaski. A miało być tak wygodnie, bezokresowo…

Opuchlizna, kiedy to rano wstajesz i czujesz się większa o 3 rozmiary. Masz wrażenie, że twój organizm zabiera z otoczenia całe obecne H2O. Brak koncentracji, kłopoty z myśleniem, bezsenność, mimo że jesteś, śpiąca, lęki (często bezpodstawne, spowodowane przez hormony), niezdarność, ociężałość, obniżona odporność, nabrzmiałe piersi, które im stają się większe, tym dziwniej wyglądają, swędzenie i napinanie skóry na brzuchu, plecach, udach,  bóle w różnych częściach ciała, których nie da się wytłumaczyć i lekarz mówi, że to przejdzie. Mnie i tak omijają atrakcje związane z coparogodzinnym wstawaniem na siku w nocy. Mam stalowy pęcherz, od początku ciąży nie wstałam ani razu. Nie mam też opuchniętych stóp i dłoni, kłopotów skórnych, kamicy nerkowej, tak częstej w tym stanie i wielu innych, które przeżywają biedne, przyszłe mamy. Ale właśnie o to w tym chodzi. Przeżywają. Bo to wszystko jest do przeżycia. Czasem ciężkie, ale do przeżycia.

Ruchy dziecka. Coś najwspanialszego na świecie jak do tej pory. Naprawdę. Uwielbiam to. Na tym etapie ciąży sprawdzam ruchy jak tylko się obudzę. Młody jest na tyle duży, że czuję właściwie chyba każde jego posunięcie. Kładę więc dłoń na brzuchu, a on daje znać, że jest, zazwyczaj po upływie mniej niż minuty. Jest to przyjemne. Wstaję wtedy z łóżka i rozpoczynam dzień. Młody powoli rozbudza się, coraz wyraźniej się przewraca i rozciąga. Jest spokojny, czeka, zbiera siły. Jemy śniadanie, chwila ciszy i…jest, przypływ mocy. Kop, pod żebro, jest, trafiony, matka aż jęczy. Chwila spokoju i jeb, brawo, tym razem pod cycka, czymś twardym, dużym…nie wiem, nie chcę wiedzieć. Leżę później, ciach, dziecko układa się po swojemu, uciska na coś w okolicach żołądka, trochę duszące uczucie. Za chwilę uspokaja się, układa w innym miejscu i smyra, przyjemnie…to chyba stopa, małe i twarde…przyjemne.

I właśnie to jest moment, kiedy zapominam o wszystkim, na co mogę narzekać.  Zapominam o czuciu się do dupy, bólu i zgadze i o tym, że są dni, że nie mogę patrzeć na siebie w lustrze. Kiedy idę po schodach, robiąc sobie przerwę co trzy stopnie, między jednym ciężkim nabraniem powietrza a drugim, łapię się za brzuch i już wiem, dlaczego mimo, że czasem jest ciężko, kobiety to znoszą. I często jest tak, że chociaż ciążę przechodzą bardzo źle, decydują się na drugie dziecko. Kiedy mój syn leniwie przeciąga się w moim brzuchu, powodując jego parominutowe falowanie, mam w nosie to, że przed zaśnięciem zgaga wypali mi przełyk. Mam gdzieś to, że zanim wieczorem uda mi się zdjąć skarpetki, będę musiała przez pięć minut szukać do tego dogodnej pozycji, by tę czynność wykonać. A nawet przy wygodnej pozycji i tak złapię taką zadyszkę, jakbym przebiegła półmaraton. Nie obchodzi mnie, że nie mogę zebrać myśli i są dni, że najprostsze rzeczy sprawiają mi trudność. Zaburzony ośrodek ciężkości nie pomaga w czuciu się jak zwinna baletnica, ale przecież on jest zaburzony przez coś tak ważnego, że to wszystko przestaje mieć znaczenie.

Oczywiście wszystkie te dolegliwości są sprawą indywidualną. Znam dziewczyny, które całą ciążę czują się rewelacyjnie, są aktywne, ćwiczą, codziennie cieszą się swoim stanem i okres ten jest dla nich najcudowniejszy w życiu, psychicznie i fizycznie. Znam też kobiety, które w pierwszej ciąży tak śmigały, a już w drugiej poznały tę drugą stronę, ciemniejszą. To wszystko, o czym napisałam, może się zdarzyć w ciąży. Może, ale nie musi. Tych dolegliwości jest o wiele więcej, są komplikacje, krwawienia, skurcze, konieczność leżenia przez cały czas, tony leków i wiele innych, o których na szczęście nie mam pojęcia. Ja mam to szczęście, że swoje niedogodności mogę przeżywać w domu, nie w szpitalu. To wszystko może zdarzyć się każdej z nas, bo organizm różnie reaguje na ciążę. Oglądałyście „Jak urodzić i nie zwariować?” Tam jest idealnie pokazane, jak to wszystko może wyglądać, polecam. To, co opisałam, nie musi się dziać codziennie. Czasem są naprawdę lekkie dni, takie, że aż dziwnie się czuję, że tak lekko. Jednak jak już przyjdzie taki gorszy dzień, taki naprawdę zły, to zawsze pamiętam o tym, dla kogo to wszystko znoszę i o tym, że to nie permanentne, to minie.

Szykujesz się więc do ciąży i nie wiesz, czego się spodziewać? Dziecka się spodziewaj, bo to o nie w ciąży chodzi. A cała reszta, nawet jak cię dopadnie, jest do zniesienia. Najlepsze nastawienie to chyba mieć nadzieję na jak najlepsze samopoczucie, ale być przygotowanym na najgorsze. Wtedy się nie zawiedziesz, nie poczujesz oszukana, że nie jesteś jedną z kobiet, które latają sobie na tych swoich ciążowych skrzydełkach i doprowadzają do szału inne, które też by tak chciały, a nie mogą. Bo natura jest mądrzejsza i często podczas ciąży nas spowalnia. Dzieje się to po coś. Ciało złym samopoczuciem daje znać, że masz leżeć, odpoczywać, to wszystko z jakiegoś powodu. Idę więc teraz pod prysznic, spędzić kolejne minuty z głową opartą o kafelki, w oczekiwaniu na wieczorną zgagę i tępy ból bioder. Jednak kiedy rano, kładąc dłoń na brzuchu poczuję ruchy mojego synka, będę wiedziała, że warto i że nie zamieniłabym tego na najlepsze samopoczucie świata.

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