Remont – marzenie każdej ciężarnej

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W naszym domu nadszedł czas na remont. Nadszedł w bólach, bo a to nie było czasu, a to ekipy, a to środków brakowało do pełnego szczęścia. Tym oto sposobem, zaczynając 30 tydzień ciąży, weszłam jednocześnie w ten etap rozbiórki naszego mieszkania, kiedy oddychając mam wrażenie, że w nosie robi mi się błoto.

Tak, trzeci trymestr to chyba nie jest zbyt szczęśliwy czas na takie rzeczy, ale co zrobić? Przetrwać trzeba, wyremontować też. Przechodziłam już taką remontową masakrę, kiedy się tu wprowadzaliśmy. Było hardcorowo i wcale to nie wyglądało tak, że ja w kapelusiku z gazety, malująca w moich upaćkanych farbą ogrodniczkach, zalotnie podbiegam do D. malując go delikatnie farbą po nosie. Nie, absolutnie. Była to raczej walka z kurzem, czasem i obustronną irytacją. Czasami dziwię się, jak nasz związek to przetrwał…Robione wtedy były dwa pokoje, kuchnia i łazienka. Dwa kolejne pokoje zostały…na później. Później (zwane również „kiedyś”) miało nadejść wcześniej, ale jakoś się nie złożyło, a naszej dwójce dwa pokoje wystarczały w zupełności. No i masz, w brzuchu pojawił się młody, więc zatroskani rodzice postanowili ruszyć tyłki i przygotować mu pokój, no i przy okazji ten drugi niewyremontowany też, żeby się już później z tym nie bawić. W pierwszym trymestrze nie chcieliśmy zaczynać, bo nie wiedzieliśmy co nas w tej ciąży czeka. Teraz też nie wiemy, ale dziecko coraz mocniejszym rozpychaniem przypomina, że zostało nam jakieś 9-10 tygodni. Tik tak, tik tak, tik tak i bum, nagle zdajesz sobie sprawę, że wszyscy znajomi ogarnęli się już wcześniej, a ty nadal jesteś w przysłowiowej dupie i głaszcząc się po rosnącym brzuchu modlisz się, by potomkowi nie przyszło na myśl opuszczać aktualnej miejscówki wcześniej.

Tak naprawdę najlepszym momentem na remont, o ile taki jest konieczny, jest piąty-szósty miesiąc. Brzuch już jest, ale jeszcze zgrabny i nie uniemożliwiający tylu czynności, kobieta czuje się w miarę dobrze, a ciąża jest już na tyle silna, że można sobie na więcej pozwolić. Oczywiście najbardziej szczęśliwi są ci, którzy remontu w ciąży nie muszą przeprowadzać, bo chyba żaden miesiąc nie jest na to wystarczająco dobry, ale ja tu nie o tym. Ściany i sufity się robią, oświetlenie się robi, podłogi się robią, a ja chodzę ze szmatką i sprzątam, bo przecież do żadnej innej czynności się nie nadaję. Syzyfowa praca, naprawdę. Z drugiej strony jak tu nie sprzątać? A w tym wszystkim mój pies, radośnie odciskający swoje utytłane pyłem łapki po wszystkich meblach i wszystkim, na co jest w stanie wejść lub wskoczyć. Może i wypadałoby się wyprowadzić na jakiś czas, uciec do siostry, albo na Marsa…no ale na ile mam uciec, jeżeli wizja remontu rozciąga się i jak to zwykle bywa, coraz nowsze pomysły odciągają w nieskończoność wizję zamknięcia placu budowy? Jeszcze inna kwestia, że boję się zostawiać tego wszystkiego bez nadzoru, bo D. różne pomysły przychodzą do głowy i zaraz by się okazało, że brakuje ściany między kuchnią a sypialnią, a pokój dziecka będzie jednak w garażu…

Po sobotniej wizycie w Leroi Merlin stwierdziłam, że wybieranie koloru ścian i podłóg wcale nie jest przyjemne, kiedy twoje dziecko kopie cię po wnętrznościach a ty zastanawiasz się, czy to dlatego, że po prostu tak mu się chce, czy daje ci delikatnie do zrozumienia, że ten odcień popielu to może jednak niekoniecznie. Wybór zasłon? Cudowna sprawa, gdyby nie robiło ci się co dwie minuty gorąco i duszno. Słuchasz z politowaniem rozmowy twojego partnera z panem z działu gładzi i masz ochotę krzyczeć, żeby wziąć już jakąkolwiek, nawet tą najdroższą, którą właśnie pan próbuje nam wcisnąć, byle tylko już stamtąd iść. Dlatego właśnie meble do pokoju małego mam wybrane już wcześniej, przez neta. Wpadniemy tylko do sklepu, weźmiemy co trzeba i wypadniemy. Bez chodzenia, szukania, myślenia, dotykania, sprawdzania i tych wszystkich innych czynności. W sumie to trochę marudzę, ale siedząc właśnie w salonie, który aktualnie jest po prostu magazynem, na fotelach leży zwinięty dywan, pod ścianą ułożona jest druga kanapa, stolik, wieszak, a po środku leży wielki wór, do którego boję się zajrzeć, żeby nie okazało się, że to kolejny zbiór rzeczy, który trzeba przejrzeć i posegregować, chce mi się płakać.

Najlepsze w tym wszystkim jest podejście mojego D. On chyba nawet zdaje sobie sprawę, że czas trochę goni, a ja już nie taka zdatna do pomocy jak kiedyś, ale tak w sumie to nie do końca. Coś mu tam dzwoni, ale w którym kościele, to już zagadka. Tym sposobem wczoraj otrzymałam propozycję nie do odrzucenia, żebym pomogła mu przenieść pudła pełne rzeczy dla syna – wiecie, przewijak, zebrane ubranka, zabawki, kocyki itd. Po pięciu sekundach przebłysk w oku, chwila zwątpienia i wreszcie złota myśl – a nie, jednak nie pomagaj. Nie to, żebym była jakąś księżniczką, wręcz przeciwnie, wychowana na wsi, jestem nauczona noszenia, dźwigania, zrzucania i wszelkich innych czynności krzepy wymagających. Ale tak patrząc na ten brzuch, który dumnie się przede mną toczy…no nie, jednak nie. Tak samo jest z rozciąganiem się remontu w czasie. Moje tłumaczenia, że w ostatnim miesiącu ciąży wolałabym już leżeć i pachnieć, w miarę możliwości, nie spotykają się ze zbyt wielkim zrozumieniem. Powiedziałam wczoraj, że przydałoby się wcześniej rozłożyć łóżeczko, żeby materac nabrał zapachu domu, no i ciuszki wyprać i wyprasować i powkładać do szafek. D. popatrzył na mnie i ze zdziwieniem stwierdził: „No to pierz, przecież możesz”. No pewnie, że mogę, geniuszu logistyki, tylko po co, jeżeli na wypranych ciuchach od razu osadza się cudowna warstwa remontowego pyłu. Inna sprawa, jeżeli chcemy, żeby nasz synek miał gipsowe wdzianka, wtedy jak najbardziej, można prać. 🙂

Tak zupełnie na poważnie, nie zawsze mamy wszystko pod kontrolą, ten remont nie jest zupełnie pod kontrolą. Mam zatem dwa wyjścia. Albo wściekać się, płakać, rzucać szpachelkami i tłumaczyć po raz dziewięćset osiemdziesiąty piąty, że to za długo i męczące i na widok szmatki robi mi się już słabo – i tym sposobem wejść w stan permanentnej wojny z D., stracić wszystkie nerwy i zasypiać co wieczór z fochem i szlochem na ustach, albo trochę wyluzować. Tak nie do końca, bo pewnych ram czasowych nie można przekroczyć, a kiedy młody zechce wyskoczyć z brzucha też nie wiemy, może właściwie w każdym momencie. W tym wyluzowaniu po prostu zmieniłam podejście. Ważne, że mam dla kogo, co i za co remontować, resztę trzeba koordynować, ale jeżeli pokój nie będzie gotowy tak w 100 % ze wszystkim, łącznie ze specjalnie zakupioną dziecięcą ramką na zdjęcie powieszoną wspólnie na ścianie przez dumnych rodziców, to czy coś się stanie?  Łóżeczko na początku będzie stało w sypialni, bo tak wygodniej, więc jakby co to spać gdzie będzie miał. Tu wszystko rozbija się o to, że musimy się uwinąć z tą najbardziej brudząco-pylącą robotą wcześniej, bo nie wyobrażam sobie do takiego pyłu i brudu przynieść noworodka. Wiadomo, że chciałabym mieć to już za sobą, ale niestety pewnych rzeczy nie przyspieszę, więc od wczoraj koniec z fochem, o ile nie jest już tak naprawdę konieczny. Remontujemy, sprzątamy, jak się źle czuję to się kładę, nie przesilam i przede wszystkim nie stawiam sobie za punkt honoru udowodniania całemu światu, jaka to ja jestem dzielna i fantastyczna i jak to noszę gruz w ciąży. Więc remoncie trwaj ile musisz, kończ się jak najszybciej i daj się już cieszyć tymi popielami, zasłonami i wszystkimi innymi dziecięcymi ozdobami, którymi chcemy uraczyć syna mimo tego, że przez pierwsze parę miesięcy on nawet nie zajarzy, jak pięknie ma urządzony pokój. Specjalnie przygotowany kącik, najwłaściwiej postawione łóżeczko ani największa szafa z najdroższymi ciuszkami nie będą miały szans w rywalizacji z cyckiem matki, przytuleniem ojca i świeżo zmienioną, suchutką pieluchą. Amen  😉

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Ainsi, pour se prémunir des maux liés au mauvais œil ou à la sorcellerie, il convient régulièrement de lire le Coran et faire des invocations notamment celles du matin et du coucher, de réciter régulièrement la sourate « La vache », de renouveler son intention, de placer la certitude dans son cœur, d’effectuer ses prières etc., et surtout de demander à Allah la meilleure des protections. Toutefois, dans certaines conditions, il est nécessaire de recourir à un soignant. C’est à ce stade qu’il convient d’être vigilant. Il ne suffit pas de se rendre auprès d’une personne qui se présente avec la qualité de cheikh ou d’imam pour accepter de lui confier cette pratique. Comme pour tout procédé et encore plus lorsque cela relève de considérations religieuses, il est important de bien choisir son soignant car ce dernier est tenu de posséder des qualités bien affirmées. La maîtrise du Coran et des traditions prophétiques en la matière est une condition sine qua none, mais insuffisante. La personne doit également avoir des notions de psychologie afin de déterminer la part de sorcellerie et celle de troubles psychologiques fréquents chez les patients. La personne doit posséder une bonne hygiène de vie, notamment spirituelle puisqu’il n’est pas inutile de rappeler que le succès de la « roqya » dépend de Dieu. Ces critères sont difficilement évaluables, surtout par une personne qui est affectée par un mal-être, quelle que soit sa source. C’est pourquoi les proches doivent accompagner la personne dans la recherche d’un soignant qualifié et reconnu comme tel par des référents religieux de la localité (imam, responsables associatifs, etc.). De manière générale, le soignant doit posséder des qualités déterminées que nous pouvons synthétiser de la manière suivante. Il doit : être en capacité de lire le Coran, croire avec certitude au Coran, être empreint de piété, connaître les pièges et les caractéristiques du diable et des djinns, connaître la méthode prophétique de la « roqya », disposer de connaissances de base en psychologie, avoir la conviction que le succès de sa thérapie dépend de Dieu. A l’exception de la première exigence, il semble difficile de vérifier les autres conditions dans le cadre d’un entretien téléphonique avec une personne que nous n’avons jamais rencontrée, même si elle se présente sous le titre de « cheikh » ou d’un imam. Par conséquent, ces conditions soulignent une première limite quant au recours à la « roqya » par téléphone. Par ailleurs, à l’instar de tout médecin, le soignant doit, avant de prodiguer des conseils ou une médication, procéder à une consultation. Ainsi, un environnement adéquat est indispensable pour la réalisation d’une « roqya ». Il est enfin inconcevable qu’un médecin puisse vous affirmer par téléphone connaître votre maladie et attester pouvoir vous guérir. Vous auriez plus que des doutes sur ce prétendu médecin. II- Un environnement propice et la réalisation d’une consultation préalable à la réalisation d’une « roqya » Il est intéressant de noter que, dans son ouvrage « Comment se protéger des djinns & satan », Wahîd ‘Abdussalâm Bâli évoque l’importance du climat pour réaliser une roqya[2]. Ainsi, il expose les points suivants : « 1. Préparer le climat adéquat en faisant par exemple sortir les images et les statues de la pièce où on va soigner le malade, pour permettre aux anges d’y entrer. 2. Débarrasser le sujet de tout ce qu’il peut porter sur lui comme talismans ou amulettes et les brûler. 3. Éteindre tout ce qui peut émettre le son de la musique et des chants. 4. Vider le lieu de tout ce qui comporte une infraction à la shari‘a à savoir, par exemple, la présence d’un homme qui porte de l’or ou une femme qui ne porte pas le voile légal – al-hijab. 5. Donner au malade et à sa famille une leçon de dogme de façon à ce que leurs cœurs ne soient pas attachés à un autre qu’Allah. 6. Leur faire savoir que la façon de soigner est différente de celle des sorciers et des charlatans et que le Coran recèle guérison et miséricorde, comme l’a informé Allah le Puissant et le Majestueux. 7. Diagnostiquer son cas : pour cela poser des questions au malade pour s’assurer de la présence de tous les symptômes (…) ». Or, dans les témoignages communiqués, l’interlocuteur qui se présente comme soignant ne pose aucune question aux personnes. Il débute ainsi la « roqya » directement par une récitation du Coran. En outre, il est intéressant de souligner que dans l’un des témoignages communiqués à l’UFCM, l’interlocuteur demandait à la personne de remplir successivement des verres de lait, d’huile, d’eau etc. et de les poser par la suite sur la table de la salle à manger. Au point que la personne s’est retrouvée avec une multitude de verres posés sur la table. Le comble est que la personne ignorait ce qu’elle devait en faire lorsqu’elle a pris conscience de la tromperie. Nous constatons par conséquent qu’une « roqya » ne peut être réalisée dans un environnement quelconque. En effet, une procédure de diagnostic est essentielle. Nous pouvons à titre d’exemple faire le parallèle avec un rendez-vous chez le médecin ; ce dernier ne peut vous prescrire une ordonnance sans au préalable vous avoir ausculté et interrogé sur les différents symptômes que vous ressentez physiquement. A défaut, au lieu de guérir vous allez aggraver vos maux. Cette attitude vigilante du médecin traitant doit se retrouver lorsque nous envisageons le recours à une « roqya ». Pour illustrer ce propos, nous citerons l’exemple de l’anthropologue, spécialiste de l’islam européen, Farid El Asri, chercheur associé au Centre Jacques Berque, qui nous rapporte une situation alarmante suite à une « roqya » : « Une jeune femme en Belgique (…) est morte suite à une tentative d’exorcisme. Pendant les séances, les fkihs (imams) utilisent normalement de l’eau « coranisée ». Pour cette jeune femme, prétendument stérile, les exorcistes ont carrément plongé son visage dans l’eau et quand elle tentait d’en sortir pour respirer, les guérisseurs estimaient qu’il s’agissait du jinn qui l’habitait et ils replongeaient son visage dans l’eau. Pendant le procès, la famille de la défunte s’est présentée comme musulmane et a accusé ces pratiques d’être extérieures à l’islam quand les guérisseurs estimaient qu’ils avaient simplement fait ce qu’ils pouvaient. Le fait de recourir trop systématiquement au fkih risque également de faire passer une crise d’épilepsie, par exemple, pour une crise de possession. »[3] Nous allons aborder enfin la dernière problématique, celle relative aux honoraires du soignant. III- Les honoraires du soignant Le Prophète, bénédictions et salut sur lui, « a agréé les Compagnons qui ont été payés pour la roqya ». Il est dès lors autorisé de rémunérer un soignant en contrepartie d’une prestation. Toutefois, cette rémunération doit être raisonnable et surtout clairement définie avant le traitement. En outre, nous ne pouvons que souligner et rappeler que, si la roqya est réalisée dans un cadre sérieux, il convient de procéder à toutes les déclarations administratives. Comme pour tout contrat, vous devez exiger un document écrit et le praticien doit préciser quels sont ses engagements exacts afin d’éviter tout litige postérieur. Malheureusement, tous les témoignages transmis à l’UFCM soulignent que l’interlocuteur insiste à plusieurs reprises sur la gratuité de la prestation. Or, dans les faits, cette dernière est payante puisque le coût de la communication est surtaxé. Ainsi, l’une des victimes qui nous a contacté, s’est retrouvée avec une facture téléphonique (hors forfait) de 1800 euros. Par conséquent, nous constatons que ces « roqyas » gratuites sont fondées sur la technique dite du « call-back » qui consiste à amener une personne à rappeler un numéro surtaxé, information qui lui est bien évidemment dissimulée. Une « roqya » peut être payante à condition de respecter un cadre prédéterminé, fondé sur l’information et la transparence des honoraires. 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