O co właściwie chodzi z tą ciążą?

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W moim najbliższym otoczeniu istny wysyp oczekujących mam. Moje najbliższe koleżanki albo się starają, albo są w trakcie, albo właśnie rodzą. Wymieniamy się doświadczeniami, kibicujemy, przeżywamy razem radości i lęki. To całe ciążowe towarzystwo wokół mnie skłoniło mnie do pewnych refleksji. Dla każdej z obecnie zaciążonych koleżanek jest to pierwsze dziecko. Niektóre z nas starały się dłużej, niektórym udało się szybko, a w niektórych przypadkach, tak jak na przykład w moim, po drodze pojawiły się jeszcze bolesne doświadczenia. Jesteśmy obecnie na etapie oczekiwania. Oczekujemy, cieszymy się, przeżywamy. A czy tak naprawdę zdajemy sobie już sprawę, że za kilka miesięcy w naszych domach pojawi się nowy człowiek, a wraz z nim istna rewolucja?

Do rozmyślań na ten temat skłoniły mnie tak naprawdę dwa przypadki. Mam w rodzinie dwie kuzynki, na szczęście nie aż tak bliskie. Pierwsza pochodzi z odłamu typowej dulszczyzny, czyli mój ulubiony rodzaj rodziny. Nie ważne, że w domu gnój, ważne, że z zewnątrz ładnie wygląda i aż tak bardzo nie śmierdzi. I oczywiście błogosław nam Boże i składamy ręce, żeby wszyscy widzieli. Wręczając mi zaproszenie na swój ślub, owa kuzynka wygłosiła całą mowę na temat naszych starzejących się jajeczek. Jesteśmy w jednakowym wieku i dziewczyna dwa lata temu nie mogła pojąć, jak to ja nie chcę jeszcze wychodzić za mąż i starać się o dziecko. I tu niespodzianka. Tak, nie jestem mężatką. Żyjemy razem z D. szczęśliwie, w miarę zgodnie, ślub planujemy od czasu do czasu, ale sakramentalne tak jeszcze w naszym przypadku nie padło, co w ogóle nam nie przeszkadza w życiu razem lepiej, niż niejedne małżeństwo (wniosek wysnuty z obserwacji otoczenia). No więc kuzynka pouczała mnie, że z miesiąca na miesiąc jestem coraz mniej prokreacyjnie użyteczna, a że nie jestem już pierwszej młodości, bo w końcu niedługo trójka z przodu będzie straszyć możliwością pojawienia się pierwszych siwych włosów ( o matko i córko!), to dostałam radę, że mam się lepiej spieszyć. Kuzynka wzięła ślub i w podróży poślubnej zaszła w ciążę. Całe szczęście, jak to określiła, bo przecież już dłużej nie chciała pracować, a to dawało okazję do zwolnienia. Zamieszkali z mężem u jego rodziców, co jak się później okazało, stało się istnym koszmarem teściowej, bo młoda mama ani przed, ani po urodzeniu dziecka, nie wykazała żadnego zainteresowania obowiązkami domowymi. Więc owa teściowa pierze, gotuje, sprząta, a że młody małżonek i świeżo upieczony tato dopiero kończy studia, to jeszcze tą świeżą rodzinkę utrzymuje. Jak to pięknie wejść w dorosłe życie i zostać rodzicem na rachunek rodziców.  Teraz padł pomysł drugiego dziecka, bo jajeczka nadal nie młodnieją, a do pracy to jeszcze nie, no bo bez sensu. A teściowa dobrze gotuje i biedy aż takiej też nie ma, więc jest spoko.

Druga kuzynka za to po wyjściu za mąż w ogóle nie myślała o dziecku. Było jej dobrze. Dobrze, dopóki w ciążę nie zaszła jej szwagierka. Co gorsze, o zgrozo, młodsza od niej szwagierka. I wtedy zaczęły się awantury, że przecież to ona jest dłużej mężatką i jakim prawem jej brat ośmielił się zapłodnić swoją nieprzyzwoicie młodszą żonę?! Więc i kuzynka zaciążyła. Pierwsze płacze pojawiły się, jak się okazało, że to całe dziecko zmienia jej ciało. Więc  zaczęła się w ciąży odchudzać. Niezadowoleniu ze zmian i dodatkowych kilogramów nie pomógł fakt, że spodziewała się chłopca, a chciała dziewczynkę. Oczywiście wredna szwagierka, na pewno tylko i wyłącznie działając złośliwie, miała urodzić córkę. No cały świat przeciwko mojej kuzynce, istna tragedia. Kiedy skończyła się ciąża, nastało dziecko. I co się okazało? Ono płacze, choruje, ślini się i teraz, w wieku 8 miesięcy, jeszcze nie chce samo jeść. Masakra. Ciąża ciążą, dogoniła szwagierkę, była zadowolona, ale jak już z brzucha wyskoczyło dziecko…no, to już inna bajka.

Oczywiście nie twierdzę, że obie młode mamy są wstrętne i wyrodne. One kochają swoje dzieci. Mnie tyko zastanawiają motywy, jakimi obie kierowały się przy podejmowaniu decyzji o staraniach. Bo oglądając gazety dla przyszłych mam i reklamy telewizyjne, widzimy uśmiechnięte kobiety z równymi brzuszkami, najczęściej ubrane w białe, bawełniane podkoszulki, które idealnie komponują się z ich rozświetloną, ciążową cerą. A zdjęcia świeżo upieczonych mam  pokazują nam uśmiechnięte nimfy, z idealnie rozczesanymi włosami, które radośnie patrzą na wiecznie uśmiechnięte, czyste bobasiątko. Kto mądry, ten wie, że ciąża zazwyczaj kończy się dzieckiem. W dodatku płaczącym, nie śpiącym i niekoniecznie wiecznie uśmiechniętym. Znam naprawdę całą masę przypadków, kiedy dziewczyny decydowały się na ciążę, bo na przykład chciały dłuższe wolne w pracy, albo bo koleżanka zaszła, to ja też sobie zajdę, albo o zgrozo, bo mam nie udany związek i żeby facet miał utrudnioną drogę ucieczki, bo bieg między porozwalanymi pieluchami i dziecięcymi gadżetami jest zdecydowanie trudniejszy, to sobie sprawię dziecko. A później szok i niedowierzanie, bo z koleżanką kontakt się urwał, do pracy trzeba było kiedyś wrócić, co z dzieckiem jest zdecydowanie trudniejsze, a facet mimo to odszedł w pizdu i jeszcze nie płaci alimentów. Błagam, powyższe przykłady są autentyczne. Ktoś powinien wydać poradnik dla głupich kobiet – „Jakimi przesłankami nie kierować się decydując się na dziecko.”

Patrząc na moje najbliższe grono znajomych, na szczęście takich przypadków nieświadomych mamusiek brak. Każda z nas na pewno inaczej do ciąży podchodzi, inaczej ją przeżywa, ale koniec końców światopogląd mamy podobny. I motywy przy staraniach też podobne były. Bo jak już kiedyś ustaliłam w jednym wpisie, nie ma takiego czasu, kiedy jest się gotowym na dziecko. Ale przed jego urodzeniem żadna z nas tak naprawdę nie zdaje sobie sprawy, jak to wszystko będzie wyglądać.

Rozmawiając dwa miesiące temu z moją serdeczną koleżanką, która była wtedy w 9 tygodniu ciąży, doszłyśmy do wspólnego wniosku, że człowiek do pewnego momentu tak naprawdę nie rozumie, że naprawdę zostanie rodzicem. Bo to przecież abstrakcja. Do naszych domów nagle przyniesiemy mikro człowieka, który wszystko zmieni. Ciąża, wraz z upływem tygodni, przygotowuje nas do tego. Wydaje mi się, że świadomość rośnie wraz z jej rozwojem, z pierwszymi ruchami dziecka, z czuciem go pod sercem. Nie wiem, bo jeszcze nie czułam. Sama czasem zastanawiam się: „Czy ono tam naprawdę jest?” W moim przypadku uwierzę w to dopiero po następnej wizycie, kiedy zobaczę, że wszystko jest dobrze. Czy to będzie już moment, że zrozumiem, że to już się dzieje?

Jedno jest pewne. W moim gronie cała masa ciężarówek. Jak wszystkie wybierzemy się razem na spacer, to może zabraknąć chodnika. Oczywiście w głowie roi się piękna wizja wspólnych kinder bali, spacerków, wymiany doświadczeń. Czasami jednak przychodzi refleksja, że tak naprawdę będziemy grały, tak jak przeciwnicy pozwolą. Przeziębienie jednego dziecka zdyskwalifikuje go z udziału w radosnym bobasowym spotkaniu, no chyba że będziemy tak solidarne, by nasze dzieci chorowały sobie razem. Zmęczenie też pewnie da znać o sobie. No i jak to się martwi moja najlepsza przyjaciółka: „A jak nasze dzieci się nie polubią??!!” Wszystko wyjdzie w praniu. Wraz z utytłanymi śpioszkami, pieluchami do zmiany i nocnymi wartami. Jednego jednak jestem pewna. Nie nastawiam się na łatwy czas po ciąży. Bo pewnie łatwo nie będzie. Zresztą, zgodnie ze starą zasadą – oczekuj najlepszego, bądź przygotowana na najgorsze. Jednak dla mnie to i tak szczęście. Mimo, że pewnie nie raz zaklnę pod nosem i będę miała ochotę zaszyć się w jaskini potwora z Loch Ness (z racji prawdopodobnie podobnego wyglądu po ciąży), to jestem na to gotowa. A dzięki temu, że praktycznie wszystkie będziemy przeżywały to samo, będę mogła liczyć na pełen zrozumienia telefon do przyjaciółek, które tak jak ja z ciekawością wypatrują w przyszłość i zaczynają sobie zdawać sprawę, co się stanie, jak już szczęśliwie zakończymy nasza ciąże. A staną się dzieci i wraz z nimi zupełnie nowy rozdział. Niech więc sobie go życie szczęśliwie pisze.

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