Moje ciążowe objawy, czyli ciąża ciąży nie równa

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Objawy ciąży. Po wpisaniu tej frazy z wyszukiwarkę internetową znajdziesz milion artykułów, dyskusji na forach, czy też filmików na Youtubie. Kobiety szukają u siebie objawów, chcą je mieć. A te, które mają, to płaczą, że nie chcą. Ja w poprzedniej ciąży byłam niepocieszona, bo oprócz bolących piersi nic mi się nie objawiało. Tak bardzo chciałam coś czuć, żeby mieć pewność, że jestem w ciąży. Prosiłam, płakałam, jęczałam…aż w końcu teraz mam co chciałam.

Powiem szczerze, że nawet ciężko mi to pisać, bo jestem tak rozkojarzona, że zebranie myśli zajmuje mi nieco więcej czasu niż zwykle…ciąża mnie odmóżdżyła, totalnie. Co zrobić. To pewnie przez to ciągłe spanie. Właściwie to aktualnie mój czas zajmują dwie rzeczy – spanie i „wpupcanie”. Wpupcanie jest to określenie używane przez moją najlepszą przyjaciółkę, oznaczające nic innego jak jedzenie, inaczej spożywanie pokarmu. Więc wpupcam. Praktycznie bez przerwy. Im bardziej wpupcam, tym bardziej jestem głodna. Właściwie to już nie pamiętam jak to jest być najedzonym. Oglądaliście „Piratów z Karaibów”? W filmie na załogę pewnego statku spadła klątwa. Nie wiem dokładnie co im się działo, ale jedno zapamiętałam – nigdy nie czuli się nasyceni. Odczuwali nieprzerwany głód. „Jaka to musi być tortura!” – przeżywałam wtedy – „Nie wyobrażam sobie nawet jakie to musi być straszne!”. No i już, nie muszę sobie wyobrażać, mam to na żywo, w domu, we własnym żołądku.  Tym oto sposobem wpupcam cały czas, wręcz bezceremonialnie. Nie jest to mój wymysł. Ja naprawdę jestem taka głodna. To przerażające. Jak nie zjem, to mi słabo. Jak zjem to też mi w sumie słabo, ale trochę mniej. Staram się jeść zdrowe rzeczy. Dużo warzyw, owoców. Na przykład dzisiaj na obiad poleciała zupa z soczewicy. No ale żadne jedzenie nie jest zdrowe w nadmiernych ilościach…Jak zacznę tyć, to coś z tym zrobię.

Z drugiej strony, nie mam za dużo czasu na to wpupcanie, bo po powrocie z pracy albo śpię, albo leżę bez siły i ochoty na nic i oglądam jakieś bzdury. Częściej to drugie. Ile można spać w końcu. Do łóżka do ostatecznego spania kładę się już o 21:30. Później nie ma szans. Doba skróciła mi się o jakieś dwie godziny. Nie jestem w stanie skupić się na dłuższej rozmowie. Książki chwilowo też odpadają. Zostaje mi więc oglądanie „Seksu w wielkim mieście”, bo przy tym nie trzeba dużo myśleć. Kiedy to skończę, znajdę coś innego, też nie wymagającego. Nie mam siły. Apatia rządzi.

Zrobiłam się też rozdrażniona. Cierpią, cierpią ludzie wokół mnie. Staram się, żeby nie, ale nie zawsze to wychodzi. Najmniej cierpi chyba D. Jakiś taki się zrobił najkochańszy ostatnio, że nie mam sumienia się na niego złościć. Ale marudzę mu już bez żadnych wyrzutów sumienia.

No i mdłości. Nie zawsze, nie cały czas. Takie pięciosekundowe. Jak jestem głodna, i jak coś zjem. Bez różnicy. Dzisiaj w drodze do pracy mdłości były tak duże, że myślałam, że ucierpi na tym moja sukienka. Udało się jednak dojechać. Wysiadłam z auta, szczęśliwa, że nie obrzygana, i człapię po schodach w pracy chcąc schować się w swoim biurze i coś zjeść. Idę po schodach i dyszę. Dyszę jakbym półmaraton przebiegła. Masakra. No ale doszłam w końcu do drzwi, zasiadłam w fotelu, wcisnęłam bułkę i zaczęłam marzyć o spaniu.  Przynajmniej piersi tym razem nie bolą, bo poprzednio był to mój jedyny objaw i bolały tak bardzo, że jazda z zapiętymi pasami powodowała cierpienie. Teraz wiem, że są, ale nie odczuwam tego aż tak boleśnie.

Zastanawiam się, na ile są to faktycznie objawy ciąży, a na ile skutek brania duphastonu. Teraz jestem w połowie siódmego tygodnia. W sumie to wszystko by się zgadzało. Cierpliwie czekam na wizytę za dwa tygodnie. No dobra, w cale nie cierpliwie, ale czekam. Powiem tak- nie czuję się zbyt dobrze. Właściwie to czuję się z dupy. Inaczej tego nazwać nie umiem, a już na pewno nie mam siły szukać w głowie innego określenia. Ale cieszę się. Bo w poprzedniej ciąży marudziłam, że nic nie ma, to teraz konsekwentnie cieszę się z każdego razu, kiedy mnie mdli. Chociaż zdaję sobie sprawę, że to wcale nie daje mi gwarancji. Ale przynajmniej jestem zbyt padnięta, by się nad tym dłużej zastanawiać. Przecież pisałam niedawno, że tak naprawdę chciałabym przespać ten pierwszy trymestr. Może właśnie moja prośba się spełnia? Więc kładę się i mam nadzieję, że to wszystko, co mi się dzieje, to oznaki mojego cudownie rozwijającego się dzieciorka. Niech sobie rośnie, a mamusia się pomęczy, nie ma żadnego problemu 🙂 Dobranoc.

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