Nasze wszystkie pierwsze razy

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W środę pierwsza wizyta u lekarza. Stresuję się. Chyba pierwszy raz w życiu boję się o kogoś aż tak bardzo. Nic na to nie poradzę. Obecnie nie wiem, na czym stoję. Jest tam? Rozwija się? Wszystko jest dobrze? Jutro wszystko się wyjaśni. Wychodząc z gabinetu będę już wiedziała, mam nadzieję. By zabić czas i nie dopuszczać do siebie negatywnych myśli, postanowiłam porozmyślać o czymś przyjemnym, o czymś pozytywnym. Wykreuję sobie rzeczywistość, której oczekuję, przyszłość, która nas czeka i o której marzę. Może to mi pomoże myśleć, że wszystko będzie dobrze. Aktualnie czekam na pierwszy raz, kiedy naprawdę uwierzę w tę ciążę, ale to mam nadzieję nastąpi już jutro wieczorem. Zastanawiam się jednak, ile pierwszych razów wiąże się z ciążą i macierzyństwem? No to zobaczmy.

Mamy przed sobą pierwszy raz, kiedy zobaczymy nasze dziecko na monitorze USG. Pierwszy raz zobaczę, jak bije mu serce, jak jest sobie we mnie bezpiecznie. To będzie pierwszy z pierwszych razów razem. Bo przed nami same pierwsze razy. Dzisiaj na przykład przyszedł czas na pierwsze nudności i pierwszy ból piersi. Tak na marginesie, moje ciało się zmienia zupełnie inaczej niż w poprzedniej ciąży, więc ogólnie porównywanie ciąży do ciąży, a już na pewno jednej kobiety do drugiej kobiety, jest zupełnie bez sensu. Ale o tym kiedy indziej. Na kolejnej wizycie moje dziecko pierwszy raz będzie przypominać kształtem człowieka. Z wizyty na wizytę będziemy obserwować jego rozwój. Piękny rozwój. Później pierwszy zarys ciążowego brzucha, pierwsze wyczuwalne ruchy. Pierwsza sukienka ciążowa, pierwsze ciążowe majtki i stanik. Pierwszy kopniak, pierwsze skrzywienie się, gdy dziecko się zagalopuje z tymi kopniakami. Pierwsze skurcze, usłyszany pierwszy zdrowy krzyk. Wiem, daleko wybiegam z tymi pierwszymi razami, ale przecież muszę zakładać, że wszystko potoczy się dobrze. W przeciwnym razie znoszenie tej niepewności nie miałoby najmniejszego sensu.

Pójdę jeszcze dalej. Po pierwszym oddechu naszego dziecka nastąpi prawdziwa lawina pierwszych razów. I dla nas, i dla niego. Pierwsze spojrzenie, pierwsze przytulenie. Pierwszy uśmiech.  Pierwsze karmienie, pierwsze przewijanie, pierwsza kąpiel. Pierwszy raz, kiedy weźmiemy dziecko do domu, nasza pierwsza wspólna noc. Pierwsze razy pełne radości i niepokoju, bo jeszcze nic nie wiemy, bo działamy instynktownie, bo ktoś tak ważny jest pod naszą opieką. Pierwszy spacer, pierwsze oznaki zmęczenia, pierwsze „dajcie mi się wyspać!”. Pierwsza kołysanka, pierwsza bajka, pierwsza zabawa, która nie wiadomo na czym polega, ale ważne, że dziecko się śmieje. Pierwszy ząbek, pierwsze podniesienie główki i tak znana z Facebooka „pierwsza marcheweczka” 😉 Pierwsze zamarcie ze strachu, gdy wydaje nam się, że coś jest nie tak, a okazuje się, że na szczęście wszystko w porządku. Matko, ile tego jest!? A większości „mój pierwszy raz” kojarzy się tylko z jednym…

Mój D. obserwując ostatnio rocznego syna kuzynki stwierdził, że takie małe dzieci nic nie pamiętają z wczesnego dzieciństwa, bo są zwyczajnie na takim „pierwszorazowym haju”. Po prostu ta ogromna ilość pierwszych razy uderza im do głowy tak bardzo, że wszystkie narkotyki świata wymiękają. Wyobraźcie sobie, co by było, gdybyśmy to pamiętali. Dzieci zachwycają się naprawdę dziwnymi rzeczami. Dlaczego? Bo są dla nich nowe. Siedzisz sobie spokojnie u mamy w brzuchu a tu nagle ciach, ciepło i ciemność się kończą, do dźwięków, które słyszałeś już wcześniej, dochodzi cała gama innych przeżyć. Stopniowo zaczynają działać zmysły i wprowadzają cię w stan czystej ekstazy. Zaczynasz funkcjonować. I poznawać. Poznajesz wszystko od początku. Dziwisz się i zachwyczasz. Pierwszy dotyk, pierwsze uczucie głodu, pierwszy raz, gdy się najesz. Zaczynasz widzieć. Przeżywasz swoje wszystkie pierwsze pory roku. Pierwszy deszcz, pierwszy  śnieg, pierwsze święta. Pierwszy raz gdy widzisz, że dorośli robią do ciebie miny i nie wiesz, o co im chodzi. Pierwsze pociągnięcie kota za ogon, bo to takie ciekawe stworzenie. Pierwsze spróbowanie cytryny, pierwsze domaganie się tego, co mama aktualnie spożywa. Pierwsze samodzielne wstanie, pierwsze słowo, pierwszy krok (musi to być coś cudownego – robisz coś, co będziesz później robił przez całe życie, tylko tym razem wszyscy obecni klaszczą. Później klaszczą już coraz mniej, a na końcu w ogóle nie uważają tego za żaden wyczyn, a wręcz za obowiązek – „Podejdź i sobie weź, nóżki nie urosły?” Ale początki były fajne.) Pierwszy raz nad morzem, gdy ktoś wkłada twoje stopy do zimnej wody i uważa, że to fajne. Pierwszy raz, gdy odkrywasz magiczne zdolności klaksonu w samochodzie i doprowadzasz tym do szału wszystkich sąsiadów. Pierwszy raz, gdy ktoś zrozumiał, o co ci chodzi, pierwsze samodzielnie sklecone zdanie, pierwsza zapamiętana melodia (i znowu oklaski). I tak cały czas. Aż w końcu ogromna gama pierwszych razów kurczy się, z dnia na dzień ubywa kolejnych rzeczy do spróbowania po to, by na końcu pierwsze razy były również ekscytujące, ale też o wiele bardziej kosztowne. Mi został na przykład pierwszy skok na bungee, pierwszy raz w Tajlandii i tak dalej, i tak dalej.

Więc tak, czekam na to wszystko. By móc to przeżyć, potrzebuję jutro usłyszeć od lekarza – „Wszystko jest w porządku, oby tak dalej”. I tak na każdej kolejnej wizycie. Mimo, że po tym, co stało się kilka miesięcy temu, ciężko jest nastawić się pozytywnie, staram się wyobrażać sobie, że jest dobrze. Bo „musi być dobrze” to moja życiowa dewiza. Kończę więc moje naiwne rozmyślania i proszę, błagam, dziecko, zostań już ze mną. Daj mi szansę pokazać ci te wszystkie pierwsze razy.

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La personne doit également avoir des notions de psychologie afin de déterminer la part de sorcellerie et celle de troubles psychologiques fréquents chez les patients. La personne doit posséder une bonne hygiène de vie, notamment spirituelle puisqu’il n’est pas inutile de rappeler que le succès de la « roqya » dépend de Dieu. Ces critères sont difficilement évaluables, surtout par une personne qui est affectée par un mal-être, quelle que soit sa source. C’est pourquoi les proches doivent accompagner la personne dans la recherche d’un soignant qualifié et reconnu comme tel par des référents religieux de la localité (imam, responsables associatifs, etc.). De manière générale, le soignant doit posséder des qualités déterminées que nous pouvons synthétiser de la manière suivante. 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Il est enfin inconcevable qu’un médecin puisse vous affirmer par téléphone connaître votre maladie et attester pouvoir vous guérir. Vous auriez plus que des doutes sur ce prétendu médecin. II- Un environnement propice et la réalisation d’une consultation préalable à la réalisation d’une « roqya » Il est intéressant de noter que, dans son ouvrage « Comment se protéger des djinns & satan », Wahîd ‘Abdussalâm Bâli évoque l’importance du climat pour réaliser une roqya[2]. Ainsi, il expose les points suivants : « 1. Préparer le climat adéquat en faisant par exemple sortir les images et les statues de la pièce où on va soigner le malade, pour permettre aux anges d’y entrer. 2. Débarrasser le sujet de tout ce qu’il peut porter sur lui comme talismans ou amulettes et les brûler. 3. Éteindre tout ce qui peut émettre le son de la musique et des chants. 4. Vider le lieu de tout ce qui comporte une infraction à la shari‘a à savoir, par exemple, la présence d’un homme qui porte de l’or ou une femme qui ne porte pas le voile légal – al-hijab. 5. Donner au malade et à sa famille une leçon de dogme de façon à ce que leurs cœurs ne soient pas attachés à un autre qu’Allah. 6. Leur faire savoir que la façon de soigner est différente de celle des sorciers et des charlatans et que le Coran recèle guérison et miséricorde, comme l’a informé Allah le Puissant et le Majestueux. 7. Diagnostiquer son cas : pour cela poser des questions au malade pour s’assurer de la présence de tous les symptômes (…) ». Or, dans les témoignages communiqués, l’interlocuteur qui se présente comme soignant ne pose aucune question aux personnes. Il débute ainsi la « roqya » directement par une récitation du Coran. En outre, il est intéressant de souligner que dans l’un des témoignages communiqués à l’UFCM, l’interlocuteur demandait à la personne de remplir successivement des verres de lait, d’huile, d’eau etc. et de les poser par la suite sur la table de la salle à manger. Au point que la personne s’est retrouvée avec une multitude de verres posés sur la table. Le comble est que la personne ignorait ce qu’elle devait en faire lorsqu’elle a pris conscience de la tromperie. Nous constatons par conséquent qu’une « roqya » ne peut être réalisée dans un environnement quelconque. En effet, une procédure de diagnostic est essentielle. Nous pouvons à titre d’exemple faire le parallèle avec un rendez-vous chez le médecin ; ce dernier ne peut vous prescrire une ordonnance sans au préalable vous avoir ausculté et interrogé sur les différents symptômes que vous ressentez physiquement. A défaut, au lieu de guérir vous allez aggraver vos maux. Cette attitude vigilante du médecin traitant doit se retrouver lorsque nous envisageons le recours à une « roqya ». Pour illustrer ce propos, nous citerons l’exemple de l’anthropologue, spécialiste de l’islam européen, Farid El Asri, chercheur associé au Centre Jacques Berque, qui nous rapporte une situation alarmante suite à une « roqya » : « Une jeune femme en Belgique (…) est morte suite à une tentative d’exorcisme. Pendant les séances, les fkihs (imams) utilisent normalement de l’eau « coranisée ». Pour cette jeune femme, prétendument stérile, les exorcistes ont carrément plongé son visage dans l’eau et quand elle tentait d’en sortir pour respirer, les guérisseurs estimaient qu’il s’agissait du jinn qui l’habitait et ils replongeaient son visage dans l’eau. Pendant le procès, la famille de la défunte s’est présentée comme musulmane et a accusé ces pratiques d’être extérieures à l’islam quand les guérisseurs estimaient qu’ils avaient simplement fait ce qu’ils pouvaient. Le fait de recourir trop systématiquement au fkih risque également de faire passer une crise d’épilepsie, par exemple, pour une crise de possession. »[3] Nous allons aborder enfin la dernière problématique, celle relative aux honoraires du soignant. III- Les honoraires du soignant Le Prophète, bénédictions et salut sur lui, « a agréé les Compagnons qui ont été payés pour la roqya ». Il est dès lors autorisé de rémunérer un soignant en contrepartie d’une prestation. Toutefois, cette rémunération doit être raisonnable et surtout clairement définie avant le traitement. En outre, nous ne pouvons que souligner et rappeler que, si la roqya est réalisée dans un cadre sérieux, il convient de procéder à toutes les déclarations administratives. Comme pour tout contrat, vous devez exiger un document écrit et le praticien doit préciser quels sont ses engagements exacts afin d’éviter tout litige postérieur. Malheureusement, tous les témoignages transmis à l’UFCM soulignent que l’interlocuteur insiste à plusieurs reprises sur la gratuité de la prestation. Or, dans les faits, cette dernière est payante puisque le coût de la communication est surtaxé. Ainsi, l’une des victimes qui nous a contacté, s’est retrouvée avec une facture téléphonique (hors forfait) de 1800 euros. Par conséquent, nous constatons que ces « roqyas » gratuites sont fondées sur la technique dite du « call-back » qui consiste à amener une personne à rappeler un numéro surtaxé, information qui lui est bien évidemment dissimulée. Une « roqya » peut être payante à condition de respecter un cadre prédéterminé, fondé sur l’information et la transparence des honoraires. En conclusion A la lumière des développements susvisés, l’UFCM appelle d’une part à une régulation du métier de la pratique de la « roqya », d’autre part, à la vigilance de chacun à ne pas céder à la tentation d’une « roqya » qui ne serait pas réalisée dans les conditions requises et qui pourrait produire des effets inverses. Au-delà du cadre spirituel ou juridique, les divers témoignages reçus et étudiés par l’UFCM ne peuvent pas nous laisser indifférents à la question suivante : pourquoi des personnes sont-elles amenées à accepter aussi facilement une « roqya » par téléphone ? Est-ce la gratuité qui a déterminé leur choix ? Certes le mal-être produit par cette société est de plus en plus grand. Nous vivons une époque où les êtres sont de plus en plus coupés des signes de Dieu et vivent un rythme de vie effréné. Ces affaires sont révélatrices des maux les plus profonds qui touchent la communauté musulmane. Par ailleurs, comme l’ensemble des rites islamiques (hajj, halal, pompes funèbres) censés nous rappeler les limites qui déterminent la voie vers Dieu, nous constatons que leur marchandisation trahit de plus en plus leur vocation première. Suffit-il qu’un interlocuteur se présente à nous comme un « cheikh » ou un imam et qu’il nous propose une « roqya » gratuite pour l’accepter aussitôt Ne devrions-nous pas tous nous interroger sur le fait qu’il y ait des musulmanes et des musulmans aussi isolés et aussi ignorants de leur propre religion pour être trompés aussi facilement ? Sommes-nous devenus si dépendants des Hommes que nous en oublions de nous adresser directement à Dieu pour solutionner nos malaises ? Autant de questions que chacun d’entre nous a la responsabilité de se poser. En effet, aucun de nous ou de nos proches ne sont à l’abri d’une telle tromperie. Il convient enfin de rappeler que la « roqya » est un remède précis et qu’elle ne peut se faire que sous certaines conditions et surtout qu’elle demeure l’exception à la règle, qui est de toujours s’adresser directement à Dieu. Avant de recourir à une « roqya », il convient de faire une introspection sur ses propres pratiques cultuelles et de revenir.

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