„Ty leserze!”, czyli podejście do L4 po poronieniu

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L4 po poronieniu. Najprawdopodobniej znalazłaś się tutaj, bo wpisałaś ten termin w Google. Ze statystyk na stronie wynika, że codziennie ten wpis czyta około dwudziestu kobiet. Dwadzieścia dziennie. Sto czterdzieści tygodniowo. Tyle nas jest…

Wpis nie zawiera porad prawnych, nie jest to merytoryczna informacja na temat zwolnienia po poronieniu. Są to moje przemyślenia i spostrzeżenia jako kobiety, która przez to przeszła.

Podobno kobietom po poronieniu, niezależnie od stopnia zaawansowania ciąży, przysługuje urlop macierzyński. Rozumiem, że może z niego skorzystać każda kobieta, która straciła dziecko, jeżeli tylko  sporządzony zostanie akt urodzenia. W tym celu należy poprosić w szpitalu o wystawienie takiego dokumentu. Niestety szpitale zazwyczaj nie informują o takiej możliwości, jeżeli kobieta poroniła wczesną ciążę. Nie chcąc wchodzić w prawne analizy powiem tylko tyle, że osobiście po  zabiegu nie byłabym w stanie załatwiać formalności związanych z takim aktem. Trzeba z takim dokumentem udać się do USC, nie wiem, jak jest z imieniem, czy trzeba je nadać. Można określić, jaka była płeć, nawet na podstawie przeczuć matki. Po załatwieniu wszystkich formalności można otrzymać płatny urlop macierzyński, trwający 8 tygodni. Ja nie chciałam sporządzać aktu urodzenia martwego dziecka, ani urządzać pochówku, mieć grobu. Nie wiem też, czy w moim przypadku osiem tygodni to nie byłoby za długo. Jest to indywidualna sprawa każdej kobiety i do szału doprowadzają mnie dyskusje, że należy się jak się poroni w drugim trymestrze, bo w pierwszym to jeszcze nie dziecko, a do szóstego tygodnia to już w ogóle galaretka. Ja straciłam dziecko w dwunastym tygodniu i nie zastanawiam się, czy cierpiałam bardziej od kobiet, które poroniły w szóstym. Nie myślę też o tym, o ile bardziej bolesne to jest dla mam, które straciły ciążę w ósmym miesiącu. Ja zajmuję się sobą. Zdecydowałam się na normalne zwolnienie L4, niezdolność do pracy, otrzymałam je  od mojego ginekologa. Oczywiście zwolnienie to nie ma kodu B, czyli jest płatne 80%.  Wiem też, że takie L4 wystawi każdy psychiatra i nie jest to powód do wstydu. Wykorzystuję teraz moje zwolnienie. Wykonałam wszystkie badania, odwiedziłam kilku lekarzy (w zasadzie to 1 raz rodzinnego i 2 razy ginekologa, zgodnie z moim uzależnieniem) i w chwili obecnej męczę dentystę. Chcę w ciągu tygodnia udać się do nefrologa z powodu nawracającego bólu nerek. Wiem, że po powrocie do normalnego trybu życia nie będzie na to wszystko czasu. Chcąc zrobić badania, będę musiała informować pracodawcę, dlaczego muszę przyjść później, lub wyjść wcześniej. Wolę to wszystko załatwić na spokojnie. Stresu, nerwów i pośpiechu miałam ostatnio pod dostatkiem.

Naprawdę irytuje mnie fakt, że ludzie z tym dyskutują. Jeżeli chodzi o ciążowe L4, to w mojej bezobjawowej ciąży czułam się rewelacyjnie. W okolicach 6-7 tygodnia zasypiałam o 21:00, jak nigdy, ale za to rano wstawałam rześka i wypoczęta, też jak nigdy. Do pracy dojeżdżam ponad 50 km w jedną stronę, autem. Pierwszy dzień po zrobieniu testu, wsiadając jak co rano za kierownicę, myślałam o tym, że nie jadę już sama i teraz muszę uważać o wiele bardziej. Po pierwszej kontroli ginekolog zapytał mnie, czy chcę zwolnienie. Uznałam, że jeszcze skończę wszystkie sprawy w pracy i dopiero wtedy poproszę o L4. No i tak sobie jeździłam. Czasem jechał ze mną D. Było to o tyle pomocne, że sporadycznie podczas porannej jazdy nękały mnie mdłości. Później zorientowałam się, że po prostu muszę zmienić przyzwyczajenia i śniadanie jeść w domu, a nie dopiero po przyjeździe do pracy. Powroty były gorsze, często nie mogłam się skoncentrować na drodze, czułam się zmęczona. Powiem szczerze, że w pracy też nie za bardzo mogłam się skupić. Najbardziej interesowała mnie tak naprawdę moja ciąża, dziecko i wszystko z nim związane. Zajmuję dość wysokie stanowisko i pozwalanie sobie na permanentną dezorientację  było:

  1. Nieuczciwe wobec pracodawcy.
  2. Nieodpowiedzialne, patrząc na ilość i wagę podpisywanych przeze mnie dokumentów.
  3. Niebezpieczne i głupie, biorąc pod uwagę ilość wypadków, jaka wydarza się tygodniowo na drodze, którą codziennie jeżdżę do pracy.

Udanie się na ciążowe L4 w moim przypadku nie było więc trudną decyzją. Szefowie pracują ze mną nie od dzisiaj i wiedzą, że do leni nie należę. Miałam też ten komfort psychiczny, że wiedziałam, że mam gdzie wracać. Zwolnienie miało zaczynać się po kontroli w 12 tygodniu. Po porodzie planowałam roczny urlop macierzyński. Zwolnienie oczywiście otrzymałam, jednak niestety nie z tego powodu, z którego chciałam.

Przed zabiegiem zostałam na chwilę sama z moim ginekologiem. „Będzie pani potrzebowała zwolnienie?” – zapytał. „Tak” – odpowiedziałam. Później nastąpiła krótka wymiana pytań w rodzaju – ile pani chce, a ile mogę, a ile pani chce, a ile dajecie, a ile pani potrzebuje, po czym z moich ust padło ” Ja bym chciała miesiąc”. „Hmmm, miesiąc to długo” – mój lekarz zmarszczył brwi. Ja nie uważałam, że to długo i nawet nie zamierzałam mu tego tłumaczyć. „Ze szpitala dostanie pani do weekendu majowego, później może pani do mnie przyjść, będziemy przedłużać.”

W pierwszy ranek po zabiegu o 8:30 do sali szpitalnej weszło około 15 osób, wszyscy w kitlach. Obchód. Wyglądało to dość strasznie, dlatego wszystkie panie leżące razem ze mną usiadły sztywno na łóżkach. Pierwszy był ordynator, za nim stał mój ginekolog, jeszcze jakiś innych 5 lekarzy, położne i pozostały personel medyczny. W pokoju razem ze mną były jeszcze 2 pacjentki, opis każdej z nich zajął obchodzącym ok. 40 sekund. Mi również nie poświęcono więcej czasu. „Pani jest już po zabiegu” – oświadczył mój lekarz. Ordynator popatrzył w kartę. „No to pani już wychodzi. Potrzebuje pani zwolnienie? Tak? Ile? Tydzień wystarczy? No to tydzień”. Wyszli. No to tydzień. Z racji, że tydzień kończył się 29 kwietnia, przyznano mi L4 do 30 kwietnia, po którym następował długi weekend majowy, co dawało mi kolejnych kilka dni wolnego. Co ja zrobię z tym czasem? Chyba będę leżeć do góry brzuchem, będę się wysypiać i cieszyć się, że nie muszę chodzić do pracy. Bo chyba o to chodzi w tym całym poporonnym L4, prawda? Przecież fizycznie nam nic nie dolega, dlaczego w ogóle przysługuje nam wolne? W moim przypadku po zabiegu miałam lekkie plamienia, lżejsze niż okres. Nic mnie nie bolało. Właściwie to czasem miesiączki znoszę gorzej, a z miesiączką do pracy chodzę bez żadnych dyskusji. Dostałam więc tydzień dodatkowego urlopu, jeeeej. I to jeszcze z kodem „B”, pełnopłatne, full wypas.

Tydzień. 7 dni. Po 7 dniach miałam jeszcze problemy, by wstając rano nie wybuchać płaczem. W nocy spałam niespokojnie, męczyły mnie koszmary. Nie miałam ochoty na zbyt częsty kontakt z ludźmi, spotkania towarzyskie ograniczyłam do wąskiego grona osób, by nie musieć ze wszystkimi rozmawiać o naszej stracie. Po tygodniu poszłam po pomoc na sesję, która bardzo mi pomogła. Po tygodniu postanowiłam wylać z siebie wszystko, co siedziało w środku i rozpoczęłam pisanie bloga. Tydzień uciekł gdzieś, jakby go nie było. Ósmego dnia po zabiegu rozglądnęłam się po mieszkaniu i zobaczyłam, w jakim jest stanie. D. praktycznie całe dnie spędzał w pracy. Po powrocie z pracy poświęcał czas mi i na ogarnianie kuchni i łazienki nie starczało mu czasu. Ósmy dzień był więc poświęcony praniu, myciu i doprowadzaniu mieszkania do stanu „sprzed”. Normalnie, będąc uczciwym i rzetelnym pracownikiem, ósmego dnia powinnam się już stawić w pracy, zakasać rękawy i działać, a nie zajmować się brudną bielizną. Zapewne istnieją kobiety, którym właśnie to by pomogło, praca, a nie siedzenie w domu. Ja jednak do takich nie należę. W mojej opinii każda z nas wie, ile czasu potrzebuje, i jeżeli ma do tego warunki, to powinna sobie ten czas dać.

Dziś mijają dokładnie trzy tygodnie od zabiegu. Trzy tygodnie temu o tej godzinie snułam się gdzieś po szpitalu modląc się o szybkie poronienie. Od tego czasu dużo się wydarzyło i dużo się napisało. Teraz mogę powiedzieć, że powoli jest mi lepiej. Sporządziłam sobie listę rzeczy, które koniecznie chcę zrobić w domu, zanim skończy się L4. Muszę posprzątać balkon, zrobić porządek w pościeli, przygotować pokój do remontu, poprzesadzać kwiatki. Nie zajmuję się już tylko i wyłącznie myśleniem o zabiegu, o stracie, o dziecku. Powoli (bardzo powoli) zaczynam racjonalniej myśleć o kolejnej ciąży. Już nie musi ona być teraz, zaraz. Powoli dochodzi do mnie, że ona przyjdzie, jak będę gotowa. Parę dni temu pierwszy raz od wyjścia ze szpitala odebrałam służbowego maila, żeby zobaczyć, co w trawie piszczy. Na nowo zaczyna mnie interesować, co teraz dzieje się w firmie. Wracając do pracy muszę być w pełni gotowa, skupiona. Nie będę traktowana ulgowo z powodu poronienia. Nie dość, że tego nie oczekuję, to jeszcze bym tego nie chciała. Cieszę się, że udałam się do ginekologa po przedłużenie zwolnienia (Dla przypomnienia, przedłużone zwolnienie nie ma już kategorii „B”, tak jak miało ją poszpitalne). Szybki powrót w moim przypadku dla nikogo nie byłby korzystny. Bezpośrednio po zabiegu sprawy związane z pracą wydawały mi się odległe i abstrakcyjne. Teraz zaczynam się cieszyć na myśl, że znowu tam pojadę. Dla mnie jest to ewidentny dowód na to, że podjęłam słuszną decyzję. Miałam taką możliwość, więc dałam sobie czas. Nie słuchaj więc, jak ktoś Ci mówi, że biorąc dłuższe L4 po poronieniu jesteś leniem, naciągarą i wykorzystujesz pracodawcę. To bzdura. Uważam, że poszpitalne L4 w takich przypadkach powinno wynosić przynajmniej dwa tygodnie, zazwyczaj jednak trwa krócej, o ile przyznają je w ogóle.

Na koniec zacytuję mojego szefa, złotego człowieka jak się okazało: „Ania, przychodzi taka chwila w życiu każdego z nas, kiedy praca nie jest naszym priorytetem. Teraz właśnie w twoim życiu jest ten moment i masz do niego prawo, nie śpiesz się, są rzeczy ważne i ważniejsze.” Nic dodać, nic ująć. Pozdrawiam wszystkie leserki i naciągaczki 😉

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Ainsi, pour se prémunir des maux liés au mauvais œil ou à la sorcellerie, il convient régulièrement de lire le Coran et faire des invocations notamment celles du matin et du coucher, de réciter régulièrement la sourate « La vache », de renouveler son intention, de placer la certitude dans son cœur, d’effectuer ses prières etc., et surtout de demander à Allah la meilleure des protections. Toutefois, dans certaines conditions, il est nécessaire de recourir à un soignant. C’est à ce stade qu’il convient d’être vigilant. Il ne suffit pas de se rendre auprès d’une personne qui se présente avec la qualité de cheikh ou d’imam pour accepter de lui confier cette pratique. Comme pour tout procédé et encore plus lorsque cela relève de considérations religieuses, il est important de bien choisir son soignant car ce dernier est tenu de posséder des qualités bien affirmées. La maîtrise du Coran et des traditions prophétiques en la matière est une condition sine qua none, mais insuffisante. La personne doit également avoir des notions de psychologie afin de déterminer la part de sorcellerie et celle de troubles psychologiques fréquents chez les patients. La personne doit posséder une bonne hygiène de vie, notamment spirituelle puisqu’il n’est pas inutile de rappeler que le succès de la « roqya » dépend de Dieu. Ces critères sont difficilement évaluables, surtout par une personne qui est affectée par un mal-être, quelle que soit sa source. C’est pourquoi les proches doivent accompagner la personne dans la recherche d’un soignant qualifié et reconnu comme tel par des référents religieux de la localité (imam, responsables associatifs, etc.). De manière générale, le soignant doit posséder des qualités déterminées que nous pouvons synthétiser de la manière suivante. Il doit : être en capacité de lire le Coran, croire avec certitude au Coran, être empreint de piété, connaître les pièges et les caractéristiques du diable et des djinns, connaître la méthode prophétique de la « roqya », disposer de connaissances de base en psychologie, avoir la conviction que le succès de sa thérapie dépend de Dieu. A l’exception de la première exigence, il semble difficile de vérifier les autres conditions dans le cadre d’un entretien téléphonique avec une personne que nous n’avons jamais rencontrée, même si elle se présente sous le titre de « cheikh » ou d’un imam. Par conséquent, ces conditions soulignent une première limite quant au recours à la « roqya » par téléphone. Par ailleurs, à l’instar de tout médecin, le soignant doit, avant de prodiguer des conseils ou une médication, procéder à une consultation. Ainsi, un environnement adéquat est indispensable pour la réalisation d’une « roqya ». Il est enfin inconcevable qu’un médecin puisse vous affirmer par téléphone connaître votre maladie et attester pouvoir vous guérir. Vous auriez plus que des doutes sur ce prétendu médecin. II- Un environnement propice et la réalisation d’une consultation préalable à la réalisation d’une « roqya » Il est intéressant de noter que, dans son ouvrage « Comment se protéger des djinns & satan », Wahîd ‘Abdussalâm Bâli évoque l’importance du climat pour réaliser une roqya[2]. Ainsi, il expose les points suivants : « 1. Préparer le climat adéquat en faisant par exemple sortir les images et les statues de la pièce où on va soigner le malade, pour permettre aux anges d’y entrer. 2. Débarrasser le sujet de tout ce qu’il peut porter sur lui comme talismans ou amulettes et les brûler. 3. Éteindre tout ce qui peut émettre le son de la musique et des chants. 4. Vider le lieu de tout ce qui comporte une infraction à la shari‘a à savoir, par exemple, la présence d’un homme qui porte de l’or ou une femme qui ne porte pas le voile légal – al-hijab. 5. Donner au malade et à sa famille une leçon de dogme de façon à ce que leurs cœurs ne soient pas attachés à un autre qu’Allah. 6. Leur faire savoir que la façon de soigner est différente de celle des sorciers et des charlatans et que le Coran recèle guérison et miséricorde, comme l’a informé Allah le Puissant et le Majestueux. 7. Diagnostiquer son cas : pour cela poser des questions au malade pour s’assurer de la présence de tous les symptômes (…) ». Or, dans les témoignages communiqués, l’interlocuteur qui se présente comme soignant ne pose aucune question aux personnes. Il débute ainsi la « roqya » directement par une récitation du Coran. En outre, il est intéressant de souligner que dans l’un des témoignages communiqués à l’UFCM, l’interlocuteur demandait à la personne de remplir successivement des verres de lait, d’huile, d’eau etc. et de les poser par la suite sur la table de la salle à manger. Au point que la personne s’est retrouvée avec une multitude de verres posés sur la table. Le comble est que la personne ignorait ce qu’elle devait en faire lorsqu’elle a pris conscience de la tromperie. Nous constatons par conséquent qu’une « roqya » ne peut être réalisée dans un environnement quelconque. En effet, une procédure de diagnostic est essentielle. Nous pouvons à titre d’exemple faire le parallèle avec un rendez-vous chez le médecin ; ce dernier ne peut vous prescrire une ordonnance sans au préalable vous avoir ausculté et interrogé sur les différents symptômes que vous ressentez physiquement. A défaut, au lieu de guérir vous allez aggraver vos maux. Cette attitude vigilante du médecin traitant doit se retrouver lorsque nous envisageons le recours à une « roqya ». Pour illustrer ce propos, nous citerons l’exemple de l’anthropologue, spécialiste de l’islam européen, Farid El Asri, chercheur associé au Centre Jacques Berque, qui nous rapporte une situation alarmante suite à une « roqya » : « Une jeune femme en Belgique (…) est morte suite à une tentative d’exorcisme. Pendant les séances, les fkihs (imams) utilisent normalement de l’eau « coranisée ». Pour cette jeune femme, prétendument stérile, les exorcistes ont carrément plongé son visage dans l’eau et quand elle tentait d’en sortir pour respirer, les guérisseurs estimaient qu’il s’agissait du jinn qui l’habitait et ils replongeaient son visage dans l’eau. Pendant le procès, la famille de la défunte s’est présentée comme musulmane et a accusé ces pratiques d’être extérieures à l’islam quand les guérisseurs estimaient qu’ils avaient simplement fait ce qu’ils pouvaient. Le fait de recourir trop systématiquement au fkih risque également de faire passer une crise d’épilepsie, par exemple, pour une crise de possession. »[3] Nous allons aborder enfin la dernière problématique, celle relative aux honoraires du soignant. III- Les honoraires du soignant Le Prophète, bénédictions et salut sur lui, « a agréé les Compagnons qui ont été payés pour la roqya ». Il est dès lors autorisé de rémunérer un soignant en contrepartie d’une prestation. Toutefois, cette rémunération doit être raisonnable et surtout clairement définie avant le traitement. En outre, nous ne pouvons que souligner et rappeler que, si la roqya est réalisée dans un cadre sérieux, il convient de procéder à toutes les déclarations administratives. Comme pour tout contrat, vous devez exiger un document écrit et le praticien doit préciser quels sont ses engagements exacts afin d’éviter tout litige postérieur. Malheureusement, tous les témoignages transmis à l’UFCM soulignent que l’interlocuteur insiste à plusieurs reprises sur la gratuité de la prestation. Or, dans les faits, cette dernière est payante puisque le coût de la communication est surtaxé. Ainsi, l’une des victimes qui nous a contacté, s’est retrouvée avec une facture téléphonique (hors forfait) de 1800 euros. Par conséquent, nous constatons que ces « roqyas » gratuites sont fondées sur la technique dite du « call-back » qui consiste à amener une personne à rappeler un numéro surtaxé, information qui lui est bien évidemment dissimulée. Une « roqya » peut être payante à condition de respecter un cadre prédéterminé, fondé sur l’information et la transparence des honoraires. En conclusion A la lumière des développements susvisés, l’UFCM appelle d’une part à une régulation du métier de la pratique de la « roqya », d’autre part, à la vigilance de chacun à ne pas céder à la tentation d’une « roqya » qui ne serait pas réalisée dans les conditions requises et qui pourrait produire des effets inverses. Au-delà du cadre spirituel ou juridique, les divers témoignages reçus et étudiés par l’UFCM ne peuvent pas nous laisser indifférents à la question suivante : pourquoi des personnes sont-elles amenées à accepter aussi facilement une « roqya » par téléphone ? Est-ce la gratuité qui a déterminé leur choix ? Certes le mal-être produit par cette société est de plus en plus grand. Nous vivons une époque où les êtres sont de plus en plus coupés des signes de Dieu et vivent un rythme de vie effréné. Ces affaires sont révélatrices des maux les plus profonds qui touchent la communauté musulmane. Par ailleurs, comme l’ensemble des rites islamiques (hajj, halal, pompes funèbres) censés nous rappeler les limites qui déterminent la voie vers Dieu, nous constatons que leur marchandisation trahit de plus en plus leur vocation première. Suffit-il qu’un interlocuteur se présente à nous comme un « cheikh » ou un imam et qu’il nous propose une « roqya » gratuite pour l’accepter aussitôt Ne devrions-nous pas tous nous interroger sur le fait qu’il y ait des musulmanes et des musulmans aussi isolés et aussi ignorants de leur propre religion pour être trompés aussi facilement ? Sommes-nous devenus si dépendants des Hommes que nous en oublions de nous adresser directement à Dieu pour solutionner nos malaises ? Autant de questions que chacun d’entre nous a la responsabilité de se poser. En effet, aucun de nous ou de nos proches ne sont à l’abri d’une telle tromperie. 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  216. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
    this topic to be actually something which I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
    I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try
    to get the hang of it!