Jak poronić i nie zwariować

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„Oglądaj dużo pozytywnych filmów”, „Wygadaj się komuś”, „Idź do kościoła, tam znajdziesz spokój”, „Jak najszybciej wróć do pracy”, „Chodź na długie spacery”, „Wyjedź gdzieś, chociaż na weekend”, „Zacznij układać puzzle”, „Mam dobrą książkę, mogę ci pożyczyć”, „Upij się, ale to tak porządnie”. Czy Ty też masz taką jedną rzecz, którą robisz, jak Ci źle? Spacery, muzyka, rozmowa, jedzenie słodyczy, wycieczka, impreza. Co poleciłbyś znajomemu, który przechodzi przez coś ciężkiego? Co można polecić kobiecie, która właśnie poroniła upragnione dziecko? No i przede wszystkim, której z tych rad owa kobieta powinna posłuchać?

Mój plan na ciążę był dopracowany w 100%. Pracować przestałam w 10 tygodniu, ze względu na dalekie dojazdy. Już po tygodniu wolnego udało mi się zapomnieć o dotychczasowych obowiązkach, w głowie miałam zupełnie co innego. Pewnego dnia wybrałam się do księgarni w rynku kupić D. prezent na urodziny. Pogoda była wymarzona na taki spacer, wczesna wiosna, pierwsze odczuwalnie dodatnie temperatury po zimie. Idąc przez rynek zobaczyłam ludzi siedzących w świeżo rozłożonych ogródkach piwnych. Co to za ludzie? Kto siedzi w środku tygodnia o 12:00 w południe na rynku i pije kawę, albo spotyka się ze znajomymi? (Może nie licząc dobrze sytuowanych emerytów, studentów oraz żon Hollywood). Kto ma na to czas? I wtedy przebłysk w głowie – JA! Ja przez najbliższe pół roku! Mogę chodzić na spacery, czytać książki popijając sok w kawiarni i w zasadzie to nigdzie mi się nie śpieszy. Umawiając się na wizytę do fryzjera już nie muszę mówić, że w grę wchodzą tylko godziny wieczorne lub weekendy, wszystko jest jakieś takie prostsze. Na czas zwolnienia miałam naprawdę wspaniałe pomysły. Miałam zamiar gotować wszystkie te czasochłonne potrawy, na gotowanie których do tej pory nie starczało mi godzin po powrocie z pracy. Dom miał wręcz lśnić czystością, przynajmniej do pojawienia się w nim dziecka. Planowałam jeździć na wieś do mamy i odpoczywać w ogrodzie, jak tylko zrobi się naprawdę ciepło no i oczywiście chodzić na basen w tygodniu, w godzinach, w których nie ma tam tysiąca ludzi. To wszystko miało być, ale jak to w życiu bywa, jest zupełnie inaczej.

Pierwszy tydzień po zabiegu przeciekł mi przez palce, nawet nie wiem kiedy. Dokładnie 7 dni po wyjściu ze szpitala jechałam autobusem i zdałam sobie sprawę, że wokół jest pełno zieleni. Jak to możliwe, że wcześniej nie zauważyłam, że na drzewach są już liście? Wiosna przyszła, mimo że dla mnie czas stanął w miejscu. Z drugiej strony dobrze wiedzieć, że świat się nie zatrzymał, teraz tylko trzeba go jakoś dogonić.

W mieszkaniu nastał istny armagedon, naprawdę, syf syfa syfem poganiał. Nie spodziewałam się, że to tak będzie wyglądać. Wprawdzie nie doszłam do etapu leżenia bez kąpieli przez parę dni w łóżku z zasuniętymi roletami, ale daleko nie byłam. W zasadzie to wstawałam rano i nie robiłam nic. Snułam się po domu, czasem odebrałam telefon w wiadomym temacie, coś przegryzłam, do gotowania mi się też za bardzo nie śpieszyło. Krótki spacer z siostrą, wycieczka z D. po okolicznych wioskach, trzygodzinna zawiecha, później prysznic, znowu przychodził wieczór i razem z nim cowieczorny wylew żalu. Jak długo to potrwa? „Daj sobie czas” – w tym zgadzali się wszyscy, rodzina i znajomi.

Ze szpitala wyszłam w środę, zanim się obejrzałam był już wtorek i płakałam w łóżku mówiąc do D., że minął już tydzień. Wtedy wpadłam na pomysł pisania bloga. Nie potrafię tak do końca o tym wszystkim rozmawiać, ale pisać…pisanie to zupełnie co innego. Siadam przed laptopem i zaczynam: „Jestem Ania. Jeszcze niedawno byłam w ciąży, niestety dziecko zmarło we mnie w 9 tygodniu, dowiedziałam się w 12…” No to zaczęłam, piszę. Czytając wpisy przed zamieszczeniem ich na ścianie zdaję sobie sprawę, że to lepsze niż psycholog. Nie zastanawiam się nad tym, co piszę, myśli same przychodzą mi do głowy i układają się w posty. Wszystko od momentu usłyszenia wiadomości o śmierci naszego dziecka wylewa się ze mnie i tworzy naszą historię. Tak, to jest to co czułam naprawdę, tu mogę to wszystko zostawić, to jest mój sposób.

Czy istnieje taka rzecz, którą można polecić kobiecie po stracie dziecka, by poczuła się lepiej? To chyba tak jak ze słowami pocieszenia, które by jej pomogły – nie ma takich słów. Co więc robić? Każda z nas przechodzi przez to indywidualnie, każda musi znaleźć swój sposób. Nie wszyscy będą pisać, nie wszystkim by to pomogło. Moja rada – nie zastanawiaj się nad sposobem, on sam do Ciebie przyjdzie. Jeżeli w trakcie robienia czegoś poczujesz się lepiej, rób to nadal. Może to być codzienne jeżdżenie za miasto i krzyczenie wniebogłosy, może pisanie listów, których nigdy nie wyślesz, rozmowy z zaufanymi przyjaciółmi, tłuczenie talerzy (na allegro można kupić zestawy tanie jak barszcz, służące w zasadzie chyba tylko do ich tłuczenia), spowiedź, śpiewanie, bieganie, boksowanie, cokolwiek sprawia, że jest Ci lepiej. Moje podejście nie musi być zrozumiałe dla wszystkich, ja swoją żałobę przechodzę właśnie tak. Moja tragedia już się wydarzyła i nic tego nie cofnie, tak jak nic nie cofnie Waszych. Masz prawo płakać codziennie nawet przez rok, jeżeli masz potrzebę, możesz też nie płakać w ogóle, Twoja sprawa. Jedno mogę stwierdzić na własnym przykładzie – sposób, jaki sobie znalazłam pomaga mi oddychać, sprawia, że idę do przodu, zaczynam myśleć pozytywnie, mam w sobie chęć i nadzieję. Zrób to samo, znajdź sposób, nie zatrzymuj się, żyj.

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  137. L’UFCM a constaté depuis quelques mois l’accroissement des tromperies à la « roqya ». Les témoignages de personnes victimes de ces pratiques se multiplient et présentent les mêmes caractéristiques : « Une personne vous appelle et vous propose une séance de « roqya » gratuite. Cette personne vous propose de rappeler un numéro prétendu gratuit, souvent un numéro commençant par 0 800… » Mais, dans les faits, cette prestation est loin d’être gratuite, puisque la conversation est facturée à vos frais et à votre insu. Au-delà de l’aspect juridique qui est traité à ce jour par le pôle juridique de l’UFCM[1], ce procédé soulève la problématique de sa conformité au Coran et à la Sunna. En effet, la « roqya » peut se définir comme une thérapie qui permet de soigner les actes de sorcellerie, de mauvais œil et également de se protéger contre ces derniers. Par conséquent, est-il possible de la pratiquer par téléphone et quelles sont les exigences édictées par le Coran et la Sunna ? Nous présenterons ainsi successivement les conditions liées au soignant (I), les exigences relatives à l’environnement où est réalisée la « roqya » (II). Nous aborderons ensuite la question de la gratuité de la prestation ou de sa contrepartie financière et enfin les conditions dans laquelle elle est réalisée (III). I- Les conditions liées au soignant Souvent la « roqya » est perçue comme une pratique dispensée par un tiers. Or, il est essentiel de rappeler et de souligner un fait important : la meilleure des « roqya » est celle que nous dispensons nous-mêmes à travers le « dhikr » et la récitation du Coran. Ainsi, pour se prémunir des maux liés au mauvais œil ou à la sorcellerie, il convient régulièrement de lire le Coran et faire des invocations notamment celles du matin et du coucher, de réciter régulièrement la sourate « La vache », de renouveler son intention, de placer la certitude dans son cœur, d’effectuer ses prières etc., et surtout de demander à Allah la meilleure des protections. Toutefois, dans certaines conditions, il est nécessaire de recourir à un soignant. C’est à ce stade qu’il convient d’être vigilant. Il ne suffit pas de se rendre auprès d’une personne qui se présente avec la qualité de cheikh ou d’imam pour accepter de lui confier cette pratique. Comme pour tout procédé et encore plus lorsque cela relève de considérations religieuses, il est important de bien choisir son soignant car ce dernier est tenu de posséder des qualités bien affirmées. La maîtrise du Coran et des traditions prophétiques en la matière est une condition sine qua none, mais insuffisante. La personne doit également avoir des notions de psychologie afin de déterminer la part de sorcellerie et celle de troubles psychologiques fréquents chez les patients. La personne doit posséder une bonne hygiène de vie, notamment spirituelle puisqu’il n’est pas inutile de rappeler que le succès de la « roqya » dépend de Dieu. Ces critères sont difficilement évaluables, surtout par une personne qui est affectée par un mal-être, quelle que soit sa source. C’est pourquoi les proches doivent accompagner la personne dans la recherche d’un soignant qualifié et reconnu comme tel par des référents religieux de la localité (imam, responsables associatifs, etc.). De manière générale, le soignant doit posséder des qualités déterminées que nous pouvons synthétiser de la manière suivante. Il doit : être en capacité de lire le Coran, croire avec certitude au Coran, être empreint de piété, connaître les pièges et les caractéristiques du diable et des djinns, connaître la méthode prophétique de la « roqya », disposer de connaissances de base en psychologie, avoir la conviction que le succès de sa thérapie dépend de Dieu. A l’exception de la première exigence, il semble difficile de vérifier les autres conditions dans le cadre d’un entretien téléphonique avec une personne que nous n’avons jamais rencontrée, même si elle se présente sous le titre de « cheikh » ou d’un imam. Par conséquent, ces conditions soulignent une première limite quant au recours à la « roqya » par téléphone. Par ailleurs, à l’instar de tout médecin, le soignant doit, avant de prodiguer des conseils ou une médication, procéder à une consultation. Ainsi, un environnement adéquat est indispensable pour la réalisation d’une « roqya ». Il est enfin inconcevable qu’un médecin puisse vous affirmer par téléphone connaître votre maladie et attester pouvoir vous guérir. Vous auriez plus que des doutes sur ce prétendu médecin. II- Un environnement propice et la réalisation d’une consultation préalable à la réalisation d’une « roqya » Il est intéressant de noter que, dans son ouvrage « Comment se protéger des djinns & satan », Wahîd ‘Abdussalâm Bâli évoque l’importance du climat pour réaliser une roqya[2]. Ainsi, il expose les points suivants : « 1. Préparer le climat adéquat en faisant par exemple sortir les images et les statues de la pièce où on va soigner le malade, pour permettre aux anges d’y entrer. 2. Débarrasser le sujet de tout ce qu’il peut porter sur lui comme talismans ou amulettes et les brûler. 3. Éteindre tout ce qui peut émettre le son de la musique et des chants. 4. Vider le lieu de tout ce qui comporte une infraction à la shari‘a à savoir, par exemple, la présence d’un homme qui porte de l’or ou une femme qui ne porte pas le voile légal – al-hijab. 5. Donner au malade et à sa famille une leçon de dogme de façon à ce que leurs cœurs ne soient pas attachés à un autre qu’Allah. 6. Leur faire savoir que la façon de soigner est différente de celle des sorciers et des charlatans et que le Coran recèle guérison et miséricorde, comme l’a informé Allah le Puissant et le Majestueux. 7. Diagnostiquer son cas : pour cela poser des questions au malade pour s’assurer de la présence de tous les symptômes (…) ». Or, dans les témoignages communiqués, l’interlocuteur qui se présente comme soignant ne pose aucune question aux personnes. Il débute ainsi la « roqya » directement par une récitation du Coran. En outre, il est intéressant de souligner que dans l’un des témoignages communiqués à l’UFCM, l’interlocuteur demandait à la personne de remplir successivement des verres de lait, d’huile, d’eau etc. et de les poser par la suite sur la table de la salle à manger. Au point que la personne s’est retrouvée avec une multitude de verres posés sur la table. Le comble est que la personne ignorait ce qu’elle devait en faire lorsqu’elle a pris conscience de la tromperie. Nous constatons par conséquent qu’une « roqya » ne peut être réalisée dans un environnement quelconque. En effet, une procédure de diagnostic est essentielle. Nous pouvons à titre d’exemple faire le parallèle avec un rendez-vous chez le médecin ; ce dernier ne peut vous prescrire une ordonnance sans au préalable vous avoir ausculté et interrogé sur les différents symptômes que vous ressentez physiquement. A défaut, au lieu de guérir vous allez aggraver vos maux. Cette attitude vigilante du médecin traitant doit se retrouver lorsque nous envisageons le recours à une « roqya ». Pour illustrer ce propos, nous citerons l’exemple de l’anthropologue, spécialiste de l’islam européen, Farid El Asri, chercheur associé au Centre Jacques Berque, qui nous rapporte une situation alarmante suite à une « roqya » : « Une jeune femme en Belgique (…) est morte suite à une tentative d’exorcisme. Pendant les séances, les fkihs (imams) utilisent normalement de l’eau « coranisée ». Pour cette jeune femme, prétendument stérile, les exorcistes ont carrément plongé son visage dans l’eau et quand elle tentait d’en sortir pour respirer, les guérisseurs estimaient qu’il s’agissait du jinn qui l’habitait et ils replongeaient son visage dans l’eau. Pendant le procès, la famille de la défunte s’est présentée comme musulmane et a accusé ces pratiques d’être extérieures à l’islam quand les guérisseurs estimaient qu’ils avaient simplement fait ce qu’ils pouvaient. Le fait de recourir trop systématiquement au fkih risque également de faire passer une crise d’épilepsie, par exemple, pour une crise de possession. »[3] Nous allons aborder enfin la dernière problématique, celle relative aux honoraires du soignant. III- Les honoraires du soignant Le Prophète, bénédictions et salut sur lui, « a agréé les Compagnons qui ont été payés pour la roqya ». Il est dès lors autorisé de rémunérer un soignant en contrepartie d’une prestation. Toutefois, cette rémunération doit être raisonnable et surtout clairement définie avant le traitement. En outre, nous ne pouvons que souligner et rappeler que, si la roqya est réalisée dans un cadre sérieux, il convient de procéder à toutes les déclarations administratives. Comme pour tout contrat, vous devez exiger un document écrit et le praticien doit préciser quels sont ses engagements exacts afin d’éviter tout litige postérieur. Malheureusement, tous les témoignages transmis à l’UFCM soulignent que l’interlocuteur insiste à plusieurs reprises sur la gratuité de la prestation. Or, dans les faits, cette dernière est payante puisque le coût de la communication est surtaxé. Ainsi, l’une des victimes qui nous a contacté, s’est retrouvée avec une facture téléphonique (hors forfait) de 1800 euros. Par conséquent, nous constatons que ces « roqyas » gratuites sont fondées sur la technique dite du « call-back » qui consiste à amener une personne à rappeler un numéro surtaxé, information qui lui est bien évidemment dissimulée. Une « roqya » peut être payante à condition de respecter un cadre prédéterminé, fondé sur l’information et la transparence des honoraires. En conclusion A la lumière des développements susvisés, l’UFCM appelle d’une part à une régulation du métier de la pratique de la « roqya », d’autre part, à la vigilance de chacun à ne pas céder à la tentation d’une « roqya » qui ne serait pas réalisée dans les conditions requises et qui pourrait produire des effets inverses. Au-delà du cadre spirituel ou juridique, les divers témoignages reçus et étudiés par l’UFCM ne peuvent pas nous laisser indifférents à la question suivante : pourquoi des personnes sont-elles amenées à accepter aussi facilement une « roqya » par téléphone ? Est-ce la gratuité qui a déterminé leur choix ? Certes le mal-être produit par cette société est de plus en plus grand. Nous vivons une époque où les êtres sont de plus en plus coupés des signes de Dieu et vivent un rythme de vie effréné. Ces affaires sont révélatrices des maux les plus profonds qui touchent la communauté musulmane. Par ailleurs, comme l’ensemble des rites islamiques (hajj, halal, pompes funèbres) censés nous rappeler les limites qui déterminent la voie vers Dieu, nous constatons que leur marchandisation trahit de plus en plus leur vocation première. Suffit-il qu’un interlocuteur se présente à nous comme un « cheikh » ou un imam et qu’il nous propose une « roqya » gratuite pour l’accepter aussitôt Ne devrions-nous pas tous nous interroger sur le fait qu’il y ait des musulmanes et des musulmans aussi isolés et aussi ignorants de leur propre religion pour être trompés aussi facilement ? Sommes-nous devenus si dépendants des Hommes que nous en oublions de nous adresser directement à Dieu pour solutionner nos malaises ? Autant de questions que chacun d’entre nous a la responsabilité de se poser. En effet, aucun de nous ou de nos proches ne sont à l’abri d’une telle tromperie. Il convient enfin de rappeler que la « roqya » est un remède précis et qu’elle ne peut se faire que sous certaines conditions et surtout qu’elle demeure l’exception à la règle, qui est de toujours s’adresser directement à Dieu. Avant de recourir à une « roqya », il convient de faire une introspection sur ses propres pratiques cultuelles et de revenir.

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